It's never enough to say I'm sorry
It's never enough to say I care
But I'm caught between what you
Wanted from me, and knowing
If I give that to ya
I might just disappear.
Nobody wins when everyone's losing
Oh, it's like
One step forward and two steps back
No matter what I do you're always mad
And I can't change your mind,
Oh, it's like
Trying to turn around on a one way street
I can't give you what you want
And it's killing me and I, I'm starting to see
Maybe we're not meant to be
It's never enough to say I love you
No, it's never enough to say I try
It's hard to believe that's there's
No way out for you and me
And it seems to be,
The story of our life
Nobody wins when everyone's losing
It's like one step forward and two steps back
No matter what I do you're always mad
And I can't change your mind, oh
It's like trying to turn around on a
One way street. I can't give
You what you want and it's killing me
And I, I'm starting to see
That maybe we're not meant to be
There's still time to turn this around
Should we be building this up
Instead of tearing it down
But I keep thinking
Maybe it's too late.
It's like one step forward
And two steps back,
No matter what I do
You're always mad
And I, can't change your mind, oh
It's like tryin to turn around
On a one way street
I can't give you what you want
And it's killing me and I,
I finally see,
Baby that we're not meant to be
It's like one step forward,
And two steps back,
No matter what I do
You're always mad,
And I, Baby I'm sorry to see,
Maybe that we're not meant to be
when a couple break up, its supposed to be a really sad event. but for my case, everyone around me were practically rejoicing over this and in fact, encouraged me and supported me for my decision.
if i were to say im not upset at all, i'd be lying. its 3 and a half years together, how can i just let go like this? you're right. how can i, being someone who's so emotional and softhearted can actually do this? all along, i thought he's the one for me, all i along i thought we're gonna end up together forever, getting married and having our own family. during some point in time, we even talked about when to go to ROM together and such. yes, we were that close, we were just perhaps one step away from being together forever. in fact, there were actually many a times we're almost there.. to the ending point but somehow.. all these just didnt happen.
we went through countless of ups and downs, done a lot of things together and have really good memories together, going on vacations together, celebrating my 21st birthday for me, celebrating his birthdays for him and of course bad memories, countless of quarrels and arguments, countless of tears and sadness, countless of hugs and kisses, countless of comfort and happiness.
he's my first love. people always say its the hardest to get out from first loves. its true. i struggled, i cried a thousand rivers, i tolerated and i thought many other things. somehow, up till this day, he didnt even mention a single word of breakup to me, not at all. i know what you're thinking. shouldnt i feel blessed that this man loves me alot and never wanna lose me? but... i just cant take it anymore. after all the tears i've shed for him, all the disappointments he kept showing me, all the emotional hurt i kept going through, all these were taking a toil on me. its like no matter how much i do, how much effort i put in, he'll never see it, appreciate me and be grateful for all these. perhaps from his point of view, im the one at fault, im the one to be blamed for all this. but who really knows whats going on in me actually? who really knows how much pain and hurt i actually swallowed in this 3 and a half years? perhaps my girls know.. perhaps everyone else knows but just not the male lead, just not him. i did all these cus of love, cus i really loved him more than anyone else. i used to put him above everyone else and even myself.
but i began questioning myself, is this what i want? am i gonna be really happy with him if i marry him? tons of questions popped up in my mind till HE appeared and HE showed me the meaning of happiness, HE showed me that i can be really happy once again in love, HE showed me that i could be myself in a relationship. THAT is what i want, to be myself, to be comfortable in a relationship and to be able to communicate freely, bringing my thoughts and feelings across without any hesitation.
it took me alot of courage to write this all out. it took me alot of courage to tell the whole world that yes, i ended my first love.
right now.. all i want is HIM, my white white little boss. he's the one who saved me from all these heartaches, he's the one who brought me back to life. he's someone special to me, he's someone whom i cant wait to see again. he's my motivation of my busy and hectic life now. im happy, grateful, appreciative and contented with my life now. he's definitely someone whom i really i wanna keep by my side. :)
he makes me happy, really happy. ((:
