phobia for you

something so bad happened last night that its the first time ever that i cried so bad cus im worried that i cant get home. in the end, i should be glad that the taxi driver was kind enough to me. sometimes i hate myself for being such a retard at directions.

i was crying non-stop even when i board the cab. the uncle asked me why am i crying and he kept talking to me to make me feel better and so on but still... sighs. im not going to allow such things to happen ever again, no second time. BESTIE, your 'birthday present' for me is gone?

i kinda feel that im falling sick soon. im having a bad flu now and there's blood in my mucus. mum says its cus my body is too heaty already and nagged at me for sleeping late every night and never drink enough water. CNY is one week away, i dont wanna fall sick! NO NO NO! i still wanna eat those goodies, i still wanna spend my CNY happily.

was out with bestie yesterday. i bought a retro dress which bestie and the shop ownder said it looked very nice on me. bestie was the one who wanted to buy clothes but end up, im the one getting something while she went home with her hands empty.

had our dinner at xing wang. chatted alot with her and she's one funny girl. im shocked at things that i think every girl should know but yet she doesn't know. but nevermind, now she knows cus i told her about it. LOL! well, all i can say is i suggest you to buy cream to use instead of pills cus you wont know the side effects of pills. hahas. but, i still think natural is the best and i think you look okay now lors. :)

and she asked me a question which makes me ponder for sometime.

she: whats the real reason behind the quarrels of every couples? is it out of care and concern for each other thats why quarrel or is it just cus both are unreasonable or have nothing to do thats why quarrel?
me: i guess its out of care and concern ba. its the same for every couples.
her: so how about me and jun? care and concern or what?
me: i guess is cus he cares for you.






why will people change? i dont want! please, dont change...

catch up with my pretty babes

i had a nice catch up session with my pretty babes yesterday. :D met them at lot 1 and can you imagine i actually almost couldn't find the mrt station from the interchange? =X the place changed darn loads lars! its been real long since i last saw vivi and im so happie to see her thou she still looks the same to me. hahas.

had pepper lunch at food court for our dinner and im amazed at val! its her second round of dinner after her first round at mac. LOL! talked about lotsa things. after dinner we went to this hong kong cafe in which i forgot the name of that shop already. =X val wanted to eat dessert so we continued our chilling session over there. chatted damn lotsa things! from bloggers, to hairstyles, to family, to CNY, to school, to work, etc.

vivi should rebond her hair and val should have a haircut. anyway, it appears in the photos that my hair is still the same isn't it? LOL! basically its still that long but its just that i have more layers on top now. you cant see it still cus my hair is black. if its coloured, you'll be able to see the layers. i wanna get hair wax to style my hair! but then again, i wonder if i'll be that hardworking to style my hair before i go out. sometimes i think i'll just be lazy and cant be bothered about styling my hair. LOL! im amazed at vivi for her hardworking-ness that she style her hair for a long time everyday before she get out of her house.

and then before we leave lot 1, we went to the toilet and we cam-whored inside the toilet. HAHAS. its not something uncommon for me cus i always do it. =X

vivi and me.

val and me.

not to mention that we took silly pictures too.

plucking the plant inside the toilet. HAHAS.

anyway, i was looking at myself in the mirror and then i suddenly realize im really so fair! i didnt realize that my hands and legs and body are so fair actually. in fact i got a shock at my own fairness. =X i told val and vivi about it and they said, "now then you know you so fair mehs?" val compared her fairness with me and vivi and she concluded that she's yellowish-fair and vivi and i are both reddish-fair.

home sweet home! gonna meet my bestie later on after her work. and yes, we're going town again. will update again.

a normal day

im izwan, ..me in ns nw.. me in the army.. also hardly online.. me in guards.. haha.. im in officer nw, going officer course.. a sian job but wat to do.. im planning to study back again.. anyway.. im sincere to be ur fren.. if can sms me at 90237418
.. i wanna know u more as a fren.. i really wanna know u more.. im sorry if i not at msn offen.. i wanna tell u the truth.. i wanna be a gd fren.. =]
u won't regret cos u will brighten up my day..

oh well, nvr mind.. i dun frce u jus wanna noe u for the better..

im sorry, i cannot came online starting today for a long time, hope u sms.. even if u add me at msn lights_sound23@hotmail.com, i cannot came online until some time later, i hope u do sms me.... im writing this email frm my camp..

im 19, hope u do msg me.. peace out.. =]

if cannot nvr mind.. have a gd day ahead.. =].. im jus sincere to be ur fren tats all..

*im not making fren with u cos ur pretty or anything jus wanna know u for a better cos i trust my judgement in making fren.. if u can't sms me or call u nvr mind, i won't bother u or disturb u.. i have respect for ppl.. so plez if u sincere then try to sms me or call me at 90237418

its a friendster message i received like 2 days ago or something? cant remember. and he seemed so desperate for me to contact him or something. well, i cant be bothered with this kinda people. but its the first time i see someone wrote me such a long message to know me. LOL!

anyway, work is fine but tiring! i begin to love my K2E more than my K2C. they are cuter and some of them are kinda smart actually. put it in a simpler way, they are more lovable lars. :) K2C is really the class that makes me tired and sians of going to work. zZz. but looking at the girls in my K2E makes me feel like having a daughter next time cus i can doll my daughter up and make her pretty and cute so that she'll have lotsa suitors next time. HAHAS! :D

oh yes. my brother just changed a new phone last week, N81. that phone is so heavy and so big lors. definitely not my type. anyway, he wants me to accompany him for some CNY shoppings cus he havent do so yet. LOL! he wants me to pick nice nice clothes for him. :D

i wish CNY will arrive faster!!! i cant wait for CNY to come! and its exactly one month more to my birthday. someone just wished me happie birthday one month in advance. zZz.

when the weekend comes...

when the weekend comes, im always like a happie child. i had a nice weekend spent and im in a happie mood now. :D

friday was great cus i managed to meet my yvette lao jie after months of not seeing her. met her for dinner at fish and co. and we chatted about lotsa stuffs over the dinner. we've been talking non-stop from the moment we met all the way to our last stop, bar stop. LOL! went to bar stop for a drink after dinner. okay, i have no sense of direction so dont even bother to ask me to remember road names or whatsoever. and yvette said its easy for people to bluff me to somewhere and sell me off. LOL! ordered red wine mixed with lime juice and orange juice i think? SUPER NICE! i love to drink red wine! and i almost finish the whole cup without getting drunk. i told yvette i cant hold my liquor at all and is the lousiest drinker among my friends. i thought i wouldnt get drunk that night... but who knows after we left bar stop, i kinda felt hot all over my face and felt dizzy already. hahas. then again, its still not so bad. im still conscious of what im doing. had a nice night spent with her! :)

saturday was also great cus i met my cousin val for a shopping trip. and as usual, we started to chatter non-stop from the moment we met all the way to our dinner time at KFC. LOL! we talked about our families. her maternal side of relatives and my paternal side of relatives. anyway, her maternal grandma just passed away not long so its kinda sad for her that she cant spend CNY. well, put that aside, i bought another black retro bag for CNY. val bought her stockings. she wanted to get the blue one initially but i gave her comments to get the purple one instead. blue one is too bright and i supposed she wont wear for the second time after CNY so i suggested purple. purple is sexier and prettier and so she got purple! :D oh yes. val mentioned about getting a tote bag. its the trend now and friends around me keep telling me they wanna get one too. actually i feel like getting one too cus its RETRO you know! my favourite style. hehes. but then again, it'll become outdated once the trend is over.

went to KFC for dinner. saw bowen too. LOL! did i mention that last week i saw him at town too? and this week i saw him again. hahas. the world is so small. and can you imagine val and i sat at KFC for like 3 hours talking non-stop? hahas. bowen came to join us after his friends left. he told us about his NS life and its funny to hear those people fainting etc inside. LOL! and we talked about ghost stories and etc that happened inside NS. after that, we all left.

today i met han kee bestie for our haircut today. reached the salon at around 1 plus and there's alot of people inside so bestie decided to do her facial first so we went for her facial instead. that auntie who was doing her face is very friendly and nice. we were discussing about our faces. i asked her alot questions while bestie was doing her face. HAHAS. okay, tell me which girl doesnt wanna be pretty? definitely not me. so she answered all my questions. hehes.

after her facial, we went back to the salon. started doing our hair and all. bestie and i rebonded our fringe and i cut my hair. had a new change of hairstyle and im very satisfied with it. but if i didnt style my hair, my hair will just look normal. if i style my hair, you'll be able to see the style of my hair. bestie dyed her hair black and had a haircut too. after our haircut, we went to west mall for dinner. walked around after that and home sweet home.

oh yes. watched 'one missed call' and 'the house'. one missed call was not that scary but the house was very scary! my eyes was closed for half of the show! anyway, i kinda realized that thai horror movies always have meanings behind their stories unlike some other horror movies with no meanings at all. if you wanna give yourself a good scare, i recommend you people to watch 'the house'.

im going back to hell tomorrow. another week of torture. sighs.

no fanciful post

missed me? nah, im not going to write any beautiful posts cus im tired and my life is so bloody boring with no life at all now. its work everyday and home after work everyday. so no life at all. I NEED A BREAK! i know. its just start of the year and im saying i need a break?

well, the reason is you can never imagine how difficult those kids are. compare this year with last year, im almost dead everyday after i end work. i always start work with a smile and i always end up with a frown everyday. and im so glad its the weekend tomorrow! FINALLY, after another week of torture.

CNY is 2 weeks away and im like so not into the festive season mood. maybe the only thing im happie about CNY is the junk food i can eat, the beautiful clothes i can wear and the family gathering i can go to and the long holiday i have!

2 weeks more. its just 2 weeks away.

bad days will be over

If your birthday is on the 24th day of the month

You are very optimistic and that's why you always enjoy life. You are gifted in entertaining others. Your friends love and trust you. You'll be the first they come to when they are in need of someone to speak their heart out.

Your Love

Sometimes you fall in love just because you want to be in love, not that you really like that person. You always be seen as a sweet couple but you can't really get over your love ones from past. Your partner is usually crazy about you because you are remarkably charming and romantic.

Pisces (19 February - 20 March)
Traditional Pisces Traits

* Imaginative and sensitive
* Compassionate and kind
* Selfless and unworldly
* Intuitive and sympathetic
* Escapist and idealistic
* Secretive and vague
* Weak-willed and easily led


Interests

* Singing, dancing, playing music, the arts, unusual healing methods, creative use of color, clairvoyance, psychotherapy and beauty

Hates

* Aggression

Suitable Careers

* Actor, dancer, writer, poet, fishmonger, shoe trader, sailor, nurse, hypnotist, illusionist, photographer, priest

ACCURATE!

mum bought me a black tube dress from isetan. i dont know why she bought that for me but well, i've got more than 10 dresses in my wardrobe now and unfortunately i only wear that few pieces all the time. the rest... i seldom got the chance to wear them unless on special occasions.

being too naive at work? its not that im naive at work, or maybe i am. but the thing is that i just wish to be a good teacher who make sure my students are taught well. whatever it is, i still feel that its my responsibility to teach them well cus since they're handed over to me, i believe i should do my part as a teacher and no matter how difficult my students are, i'll still hang on cus i have the passion for teaching and this is what that keeps me going, the satisfaction i get when i see them improving day after day.

being too naive at love? i know i know. its not the first time people comment this about me. well, all i can say is i just didnt think so deep into what others do or tell me. i just take it as it is. i dont see the point that they should bluff me? if you wanna cheat someone, will you even make so much effort to fold 999 stars for her and went around singapore just to find the nicest mickey that she likes? okay, maybe he really have the intention to cheat me or whatsoever, but i guess at the end of the day, im still the one who disappoint him the most. like what i said, i dont think being naive is that bad cus simplicity is still the best.

being too much of a perfectionist? i paused for 5 seconds when i heard this comment about me. come to think of it, i havent realize this until i heard this comment about me. my colleagues comment on me about this before too. they work with me for so long and they kinda know my working style. yes, i dont like last minute decisions and all. i dont like last minute changes, i dont like changes to be made after i planned everything. i want things to be perfect. i know even if nothing is perfect in this world, i still wish to make things become perfect cus i believe everybody will be happier if things are perfect?

being too selfless at times? i admit this cus tons of friends said this to me already. i know i know. sometimes i tend to think too much for others and didnt spare a thought for myself. but then again, if one day i turn into someone so selfish and scheming, then i wont be the joanne that people know me as anymore? i believe if you're kind to me, i should be kind to you too. this is how the world is suppose to work isnt it? thou i know it doesnt pay to be too kind but still, i cant help it.

this are the 4 things that i wish to summarize about my weekend. comments i got from people. and i owe guan soon an apology. im not there for him when he needed a friend and thats me. gonna go and do my hair with bestie this coming weekend. still unsure about what hairstyle to cut. asked my students about it and they insist that i shouldnt cut away my long hair cus they think i look ugly in short hair. LOL! and yar lars, i'll be a good girl and dont colour my hair, let it remain black. :)

and work is finally back to normal today. somehow i got a strong feeling that this week is gonna be better than last week. :) and i cant believe it. one of my students brought PSP to school today. i confiscated it. =X of course i must do that! what if he lost it in school? i have a huge responsibility to bear right? and he's actually one of the poor students in my class. cant believe his mum can afford a PSP for him. zZz.

oh well, im contented enough to just let things remain so peaceful and good. no more bad days please.

vomit blood

you know what? work is really driving me crazy. my K2E is giving me problems. i wonder how am i going to survive teaching this class for the rest of the year. sighs. i broke down and cried after work in class today. i just wish someone is there for me to lean on just now. sighs. unfortunately, no one's there. i still have to dry my own tears and pick up myself to walk out of my workplace. this is me. thou i dont tend to say out unhappie things, but this is how fragile i am actually. i hate going to work now. sighs.

my friend just broke up with her 4 to almost 5 years boyfriend. it came as a VERY shocking news to me cus i didnt thought that there's so much problems between them actually. i thought they were always so loving and fine and all but who knows? and she's attached again now. whatever it is, as long as she knows what she's doing and she's happie with her choice now, i guess i should give her my blessings.

sighs. me? i stopped thinking about love. 3 weeks later? somehow, my intuition tells me that its not going to come.

cao ge's new album is good, his slow songs make me cry.

problems at work

WARNING. im in an extremely bad mood now so you better dont come and provoke me.

i wonder whats up with the maids nowadays. they love to accuse people so much? "i never tell lies in my whole life before." F! so are you trying to imply im the one who told lies? why the hell will i chase her out if she's already in my classroom? there's no reason for me to do that to my own student! and F, after the whole thing was cleared up, i still have to SMILE at them? why do i have to pretend? DAMN IT. i freaking hate to pretend in front of those parents! but do i have a choice? like what mrs leong said, as a teacher, i have to entertain those parents.

before i left, mrs leong said this to me, "dont think too much, you know maids nowadays are just scared, so dont take it to heart. i know you did your job and i believe no teachers will chase their students out of the class."

i left my workplace with a heavy heart. work is driving me crazy. im practically shouting everyday cus of my naughty students i have. when its time to get crazy and have fun, i get crazy and have fun with them. when its time to do work, im serious in teaching them. put it in this way, im quite strict with them. if im not, they're going to climb over my head for sure. but so far, things are still so good. and auntie said im good in disciplining my classes. i have to be good in it, cus i want my children to be good and disciplined. but they somehow know that i love them that much even at times when i scold them. :) this is what i call the bonding between us.

esther mentioned that my voice somehow become quite hoarse this few days. but i didnt realise it myself. is it cus of those shoutings everyday? but what to do? its part of my job to shout. i dont like to shout actually. i mean, who likes it?

sighs. work again tomorrow.

bad days

my weekend was spent with bestie. met her after her work on saturday and we went to town. saw a few nice dresses and im so tempted to buy them but i already bought my CNY clothes le lors! didnt get any in the end and not to forget, i saw nice shoes also! so tempted to buy!!! bestie bought a small handbag from mphosis. went to xing wang cafe for dessert after shopping. ate that strawberry snow ice and it doesnt taste as nice as mango snow ice. and then home sweet home. i didnt get anything. BAD DAY! :( bestie knows why.



candid shot.



today, bestie said she wanna go to the temple at bugis to pray so i accompanied her. on the bus, there's no seats for us and then bestie managed to find one seat for herself cus the ah ma beside her moved in for her to sit and i have to stand. zZz. but in the end, the guy behind bestie stood up and gave up his seat to me. LOL! okay, quite a gentleman to do that considered the fact that im not old or pregnant or with a child. :) and yes! the whole bus was full of bangladeshi! HATE IT! and the one sitting beside me was also a bangladeshi. zZz.

bestie decided to get lots and the lot she got was the same as what she got previously. i guess is all fated? girl ar, i guess like what i say the time is not right ba. just stretch your patience to the limit and success will follow, remember? LOL! :)

then we went to bugis junction to shop. went to topshop and saw a few nice tops but didnt get them. we went to get bras instead. LOL! bestie bought one and i bought one. :D then we went to hunt for my bag and i got one silver coloured bag and i regretted buying it in the end. saw one chio bonia bag and i was thinking whether to change my bag for that. we stood there for like half an hour or so thinking to change that anot. i was very indecisive about it but in the end, i didnt change it. end up i was telling bestie on the bus that i REGRETTED not changing it! oh wells, its all too late for regrets now. bestie knows me so well. she knew i'll sure to regret if i didnt change it. LOL!

and bestie asked me if i wanna go for a jog with her tomorrow after my work. i was like... hello?! are you kidding? do i look like the sort who will go jogging? LOL! then she mentioned about going swimming instead. i agreed. :D the last time i swam was in secondary 4.. so its not a bad idea to go swimming again. so im going swimming with this girl after my work tomorrow! :D BAD BAD DAY! :( bestie knows why again.

i shall end off with MY pictures! if i dont love myself, who's going to love me? :D



















work again tomorrow. OMG!

first day of school 08

im ALMOST late for work this morning. i was such a muddlehead. i FORGOT to lock my main door when i got out of my house and then i realized it only when im at the bus stop! so i ran back to my house and locked the door before i went down to the bus stop. and when i reached the bus stop, my bus just went off! and i waited for like a whole of 15 minutes before the next one came. by the time i reached school, its already time to start class. freeling helped me to open my classroom door and then i rushed in to take over.

and before i can even have time to catch my breath, parents were bombarding me with questions here and there. however, both my classes are still so far so good at this point of time. but you know.. its only the first day of school and i guess everyone is still unfamiliar with their new classmates, new class and new teacher. but i played some games with them today for their orientation. playing games during orientation is good cus firstly, it will build up the class bond between them so that they know each other better and all and secondly, kills time. LOL! :D

and my old students who were in my classes were surprised to see me as their form teacher again this year. HAHAS! birju became more and more handsome already! he's still as playful and talkative as ever. and he's still as expressive as ever. the first thing he did when he came into my class today was he gave me a big hug and said 'happie new year' to me. LOL! but he's not gonna be in my class cus of some changes here and there. and his mum was sad about it cus she said his son wants to stay in my class. i kinda miss having this handsome boy in my class. in fact, i miss ALL my old students whom i've taught last year.

was very tired when i reached home! plunged onto my bed the moment im home and slept till 8 plus before my mum woke me up to take my dinner. if not i think i'll be sleeping all the way till 6am tomorrow morning. LOL!

tomorrow will be the official day to start on our lessons and everything. and im really SHOCKED to find out that one or two of my students actually cant recognize their own name! OMG. and there's a new student in my class who didnt even attend K1 before and he absolutely know nuts about everything! dont even know how to speak english, dont even understand what im talking about and the best thing is he dont even know whats his name! oh great. im gonna have a hard time ahead to teach him all the basics and everything.

these few days i keep sensing that something bad will happen and its making me irritated. its just the start of 08 and i have to sense something bad instead of something good. i suppose 08 will be a bad year for me? i guess its time i check on my horoscope and zodiac this year. LOL! but well, i dont wish to think too much now and just take things as it comes. even if something bad is gonna happen, i cant stop it from happening also so i rather dont think so much about it. i guess being happie-go-lucky is the best. SMILE AND LAUGH at whatever that comes to me. :D

someone just lectured me last night. nagging at me that im too naive, too stupid and too foolish to believe whatever words that people say. oh well, the explanation i gave was cus i dont see the point to think so deep into what people tell me. okay fine, but i still admit its cus im too naive so people will get a chance to take advantage of me easily. but what to do? i cant seems to change this point of mine. i dont say its a bad point cus being naive means you see things in a simpler way and i believed that simplicity is beauty. :) but i dont say its a good point either cus i know i'll be easily taken advantage of. but somehow, im glad that close friends around me are constantly telling me things to make me realize that this world is not as beautiful as what i thought. HAHAS.

im turning 20 in a month's time which means to say i must cherish my last month of being a 19 year old teenager. after my birthday, i cant be named as a teenager anymore cus im an adult already. sounds so old. sighs. LOL!

the start of a new year

spent these 2 days with my bestie. lotsa things happened in these 2 days. and bestie was the one who was with me again. i was wondering if one day i lose her as my friend, who's going to be there for me no matter what happen?

yesterday i asked bestie out late at night to accompany me for some drinks. initially she was reluctant to go with me cus she doesnt want me to drink as she knows i cant hold my liquor at all. but still, she gave in to me in the end. we met and then off we went to eat roti prata. not me, she's the one who ate that. and then i kept nagging at her saying that i wanna drink and then we went to liquid kitchen. everyone inside were so high and so looking forward to the countdown to 08. the both of us? like 2 idiots who dont even enjoy the atmosphere there at all.

besie didnt drink any liquor cus she's having a sore throat. i ordered chocolate martini and it tastes like shit. i thought anything that has got to do with chocolate will taste nice but who knows.. this is not the case. so anyway, i only drank like a few sips and i already felt like my head was heavy. after a few more sips, i began to feel that my head was spinning. bestie knew i cant drink anymore so she stopped me from drinking thou i kept fighting it with her that i wanna drink. LOL!

in the end, we went off and home sweet home. on the way home, bestie said i was crazy again. LOL! she wanted to take a photo or video of me being in a drunken state but obviously i stopped her. thou i was kinda dizzy and everything, im still conscious and know what im doing. not as bad as the last time i went clarke quay. so bestie sent me home to my doorstep again thou i kept insisting that i can make it on my own. i know she's worried for me. :)

and then i started to blabber nonsense to somebody. i was like crazy, half dead, saying nonsense and crying like an idiot. actually im aware of what im doing but somehow, i just cant stop myself from doing this. gradually, i cried halfway through, i felt tired and fell asleep. LOL! if i were to finish that cup of martini, i think i would be sleeping in the pub last night already cus i dont think bestie has the strength to carry me home. LOL! but still, i really wanna say a BIG THANK YOU to my bestie! ALWAYS THERE FOR ME WITHOUT FAIL!

today... met bestie for dinner at amk hub after her work again. told her i wanna go for a drink again and obviously she forbid me to do so. LOL! i dont know why but im starting to take drinking as a way for me to escape from the reality. this method definitely works for me cus i cant drink at all, seriously. so just one cup is enough for me to drop dead on the bed and the feeling of getting drunk is good. it makes me forget everything thou its only temporary. and nobody will care after im drunk, going crazy, blabbering nonsense and everything.

anyway, had our dinner at mac cus bestie was not that hungry. chatted alot with her. she mentioned something which didnt came across my mind before. something that might be true? i dont know and i cant judge from the situation now but somehow what she said does make some sense. its not about winning or losing afterall. you get it? its about...

and then we went to shop around and i bought a turquoise coloured dress for CNY. so im only left with a bag to finish my CNY shoppings. poor bestie, cant find any shoes to her liking. after buying of my dress, we went home.

tomorrow is the big day that i go back to work after like 1 month of holiday? i dread going back to work and i kept grumbling to bestie about it. LOL! i wonder how tomorrow will be like, facing my new students and new parents. and im gonna work for like another 2 months before my march holiday arrive.

i disappoint him. told bestie i felt bad about it cus i've been giving him false hopes and now he's angry with me cus he's ignoring me now. i understand why he wants to do that cus i disappoint him first. i know there ought to be some limit in everything and i know he has reached his limit in giving in to me all the time already. he rejected someone who suits him cus of me and im doing this to him now. sighs. i just dont know what i should do now...