it hurts

tired. very tired. im really tired... why dont you believe i really am?

sometimes i wish im that brave. i always thought i am but it turns out that im not at all. why? God why cant you just give me that lil bit more of courage to be braver?

my tears cant seem to stop rolling down my face. it just cant stop.

do you know how much it hurts? can you feel for me? can you feel what my heart is feeling now?

it hurts so much that i rather you take a knife and kill me. this is not me, so not me. what the hell am i doing?

i need a shoulder to cry on. can somebody just lend me his shoulder to cry on now? please...

friends gathering

my sunday was great! :) i met up with claris and hui min for a gathering. its been ages since we last met up lors! and they changed so much! claris became taller and hui min became prettier. :D hui min said i look pretty with my new specs. :) and she's like so exaggerating that i slimmed down ALOT. did i? LOL! then why is my face getting chubbier? zZz. i dont care already! i shall just eat and eat and eat. =X i cant resists the temptation of good food! recently ive been eating big feasts when im out lors. nice desserts, nice dinner and i eat alot of junk food at work! cus my colleagues always feed me with food! =X

so anyway, we went to xing wang cafe for dinner and watched 'enchanted'! :DDD i was telling claris that a waiter at the cafe looks like the zhuo yi feng so much and she said she dont dare to look at him cus they really looked alike! LOL! we cam-whored in the restuarant and took so many silly pictures! claris kept wanting to take candid shots of me! cannot stand her! hahas. :D hui min said i looked like xiao mei mei when i take pictures. DO I? look young good what! then people wont know my age. HAHAHAS! :D

after dinner, we went up for our movie. the movie ROCKS! i love fairytales for your information and my favourite fairytale story is cinderella! its similar to that in a way. :) the princess is gorgeous! she's so beautiful and cute! :D i dont mind watching it for another 100 times like seriously! =X

princess found her prince charming! so sweet! (:
how i wish im just like the princess and her prince. they found each other and live happily ever after. how sweet right! :) the reason why i love fairytales so much cus i find it wonderful and beautiful and that there's no happily ever after in reality so i day-dream about it all the time. LOL! this shall be my all-time favourite movie! it reminds me of a similar movie 3 years ago.


a cinderella story! of course i watched it! :D how can i miss such a great movie right! hehes.

me and hui min. candid 1.

candid 2.

look at hui min's face! drink water also wanna act chio! LOL! =X













i love this! CUTEY claris and CUTEY joanne! :DDD









we went off after the movie. i went to find that idiot bestie of mine cus she said she got lots to tell me. =X so i met her at amk hub. we went to new york new york for dessert. the waffle i ordered doesnt taste that great thou it looks appealing to me. talking about waffle, the waffle at tampines mall is great! the best waffle i've ever tasted! can any kind soul go all the way to tm and get it for me? =X

anyway, that idiot bestie was scared out of her wits! LOL! i understand her phobia for guys now cus i was once in her shoes. guys are indeed nothing but trouble. they hurt us so much and expect us to treat everything as nothing happen? dear girl, take your time to get over your phobia. i'll be here to support you de! (:

we went to NTUC after our dessert cus we wanna shop for groceries. :) NO LARS! she wanna get her salmon sashimi and she took forever to choose one stupid thing lors! i was on the line with good friend for like a few minutes and she took that long to choose one stupid thing. and NTUC was closing soon lors, she still took her own sweet time to choose. LOL!

when we walked out of NTUC, some staff from NTUC almost wanted to give a broomstick to BESTIE! HAHAHAS! super funny i tell you! see! she got auntie face lehs! AUNTIE NG!!! :DDD

we cant find our bus stop so we walked up and down for a few times before i saw our bus stop. LOL! and look at what this idiot bestie wrote about me in her blog!

"told bestie i bring curse to guys she sae im LAME ! IM NOT OKAY..
IS THE FACT LOR.3 TIMES LE.wahha..
u noe la hor.=]
and i asked bestie 1 qn ,here it goes..

mi : issit true tad u stand up from the place u fall?
she : yes, if not from different places mehx.
mi: den i forever dun nid stand up alr, can lay down le lar.
she : sure can stand up de, miracle will happen
mi : hope so har !
she haf stand up from where she haf fallen down.
bestie also VERY SMART AND HAS A "GOOD "MEMORY.
she brings mi excerise jus now.
walk from one end to another and back to another end.=]
and i saw bestie RUNNING ACROSS THE ROAD lar,
sth is wrong wif her manz !
almost kana knock down by car and run back and jump into bushes.=]"

oh please! of course she's lame lars! only auntie talk about bringing curses to people lars hors! =X and if i didnt bring you to go 'exercise', you think you can find the bus stop mehs auntie!!! exercise good for you hors! you need some exercise to slim down lors! xP and please, she's talking about a CAT that ran across the road, not me! she's trying to imply im that cat. zZz. LAME!

everybody this is auntie ng! :D

i love auntie ng! =)

and home sweet home! (: oh yar! bestie said im slim and she admitted she's fat! THANKS FOR YOUR COMPLIMENT! :DDD

bestie mentioned that i have stand up from the place where i fell. is it? have i really stand up? or im just half way through struggling to stand up? bestie is right. scared is the word. we're scared of guys. we're scared of everything they brought upon us. the hurt, the pain, the sadness, the disappointment. the fear is in us. where is our princes who will rescue us?

new specs new me

i collected my new specs on thursday. this is how i look with it. nice anot? :D

yesterday was a happie day. (: i finally met up with yvette lao jie after so many months of not seeing her. the first thing she saw me she commented that i looked nice with my new specs, nicer than my old one. :D and she said that i slimmed down! and she's the FIRST one who said that. the rest all said that my face has become chubbier lors. but after a closer look, she agreed that indeed my face is chubby. zZz.

we went fish and co. for dinner. and there's like 3 birthday celebrations over there lors. so NOISY and so throw face lors! never in my life will i ever go to fish and co. for my birthday celebration.

then we walked around after dinner. i bought a pair of slippers from DMK. :) yvette told me something. she said i dont talk like the way i look. HAHAS! she meant that i look so gentle and demure and everything but i speak like im so rough or something. LOL! and she's not the first one who said that. my colleagues all said that of me too. HAHAHAS! oh come on, im very gentle and nice when i speak de okay. =X LOL! its just that i like to make the atmosphere more relaxing so i talk very openly and loud and everything. NO JOKE NO FUN RIGHT! :D and she cant stand me the whole night yesterday. LOL! this is me lars. i dont like to act in front of close people. but of course i know when is the right time to speak softly and gently lars. hehes. (:

so i received a call from good friend while walking on the streets last night. and then, after we hung up, yvette said i speak so differently to him and she's unhappie about it. HAHAS! eh come on lars. special friend got special treatment mahs. LOL! :D NO LARS! i do talk to him in that way also de lors! dont say i 重色輕友 hors! =X

so i accompanied her to her mrt station before i met good friend after that. he said i looked nicer in this specs than in my old one too! that's good! :D i like to hear compliments from him. it really makes me smile from my heart! :) i always become happier when i get to meet him. this feeling is amazing.

so anyway, we watched the movie 'fred claus'. the movie was boring! i wanted to watch enchanted de lors! but arghh! the timings available were selling fast! gotta wait till next week le lors. zZz.

i feel as thou im the happiest girl on earth! :D

You and I were made to get love right :)

holiday at work

kian tiong drew this for me at facebook! pretty anot? :D

okay. im given a new classroom that is not to my liking! i hate that classroom like seriously! the whiteboard is SPOILT! how am i supposed to write things in that classroom? and the classroom is freaking super duper cold like dont know what lors! my cardigan is not even enough to withstand the coldness in there. how am i going to survive over there?

work is a big headache for everyone. lesson plans and all need to redo due to the change of curriculum. classroom settings and all need to change also. SIANS! everything is like so messy! and my boss havent even settle everything for us. the timetable, the classes we taking and blablabla. I HATE LAST MINUTE THINGS!

putting my work aside, i finally received jason's invitation card through email. LOL! his solemnization ceremony is held at a chalet! this is like so cool. i supposed everything is like a buffet style. free and easy kind you know? hahas. thats why i say young people nowadays like simple and elegant kind of arrangment. LOL! i told my mum next time my wedding will be even more simple. i just wanna go ROM with my husband thats all. no dinner, no nothing. maybe just invite my close friends and whoever for a simple dinner thats all. simple and nice right? HAHAS! simplicity is beauty. (: afterall, its me who's getting married, so its my choice to do what i wanna do. :D and my mum didnt say anything. LOL! but photo shoot and all CANNOT BE MISSED! i love to take photos so much so i must do it! (:

just like li shan jie jie. she got married and none of us actually know about it until we saw her husband at one of the family dinner or something. COOL! LOL! anyway, i wonder if chewlin is going. super long never see her already! good friend volunteered to go with me! im kinda elated and surprised when he said that. (: hopefully he wont change his mind by then.

facebook is getting more and more interesting! (: somebody sent me a mickey mouse gift over there! SO CUTE! HAHAS! and a secondary school girl sent me a message saying she likes me and wants to be friend with me. this is like so rare that a GIRL send me messages like this. is she a lesbian or what? =X

my mum is crazy. she asked me wanna go cut my hair anot cus CNY is coming. zZz. didnt she know that i just cut my freaking hair not long ago? i cant cut my hair anymore! its already like so ugly now. i need to wait till like january or so then can have a trim.

i cant wait for this weekend to come! (:

conflicts at work

my holidays officially start today! but im back at work this week.

anyway, yesterday i met up with my monkey bestie again. LOL! =X we wanted to go snow city, escape or east coast park but due to my period, we cant go escape and due to the stupid weather, we changed our destination to tampines mall. snow city seems fun lehs! i wanna go there someday.

so, we went fish and co. for dinner again. and guess what? i really cannot stand her! she saw a waiter who looked damn alike with her jun and she was down there telling me non-stop about that waiter. "joanne! look at that waiter's side view, faster see faster see! damn alike with jun lehs!" and she kept repeating the same thing to me again and again. kept asking me to look at his side view. okay fine. i see once, i see twice, i see thrice and i really cannot stand her lors! LOL!

and she's trying to find out his name so the both of us were like idiots who kept waiting for him to walk pass us so that we can see his name tag or whatever. in the end, we found out his name cus we heard his colleague calling him. LOL! she kept asking me to guess how old is he, blablabla. and she wants me to help her get his number or friendster or find out his age from him or whatever. and i asked her to peel off the prawns for me and peel off the fried calamari for me then i will help her. LOL! then i realized we were so silly lors! obviously i didnt help her in the end cus she didnt do those things for me! HAHAHAHAS! =X

she kept saying she wanna sit there till the restaurant closes so she can see her fake jun for a longer time. I CANNOT STAND HER lars seriously! LOL! but of course we didnt stay lars. if not i'll kill her! =X anyway, i somehow think that he knows we were talking about him cus we kept looking at him lors. and its like that silly girl kept asking me to look at him so its like damn paiseh when he saw me looking at him lors. not once but many times! =X

we kept talking about having babies again. HAHAS! it seems like this topic will never leave us =X we kept saying we wanna have a baby to play with. LOL! really lors! kids are so cute i tell you! so fun to play with! :D i kept telling her to faster go and have one with her jun. HAHAHAS! =X and she kept telling me to faster have one with good friend. LOL! i cant stand the 2 of us seriously! LOL!

we left and shopped around. i bought a sling bag from double index. and that sling bag is damn useful! it looks small but it can carry quite a number of things in it. and most importantly, its not heavy at all! :D after shopping, we went home!

today.. i went back to work. packed my classroom and there's freaking so much stuffs to move over to my new classroom lors!

and i find that my colleagues over there are quite cunning. =X they appear so nice and friendly to me but in actual fact they're trying to find out things from me. and they're unhappie that i teach k2 cus they think k2 teachers should have more experience and blablabla consider the fact that im new there. HELLO! you think i like to teach k2 ar? whats so good about teaching k2? so many freaking stuffs to do and this and that. if i have a choice i wont even wanna teach k2 lors! what kinda freaking mindset is this?! so why not you say nursery teachers need more experience cus the new comers will cry and cry non-stop and teachers need to know how to settle them down? RUBBISH! NONSENSE!

i hate it! whats wrong with these people? why cant people just be simple minded about everything? i hate this kinda backstabbing stuffs and all! working life sucks! i miss my schooling days! sighs.

i see the themes im needed to teach for k2 and F! its so freaking hard lors! i mean, hard as in difficult for the kids to grasp the concept. can you imagine some themes im not even sure of it? themes like NEWater? i absolutely know nuts about it! natural phenomena? all these are things that i learn in primary school lors. its really getting harder and harder to teach nowadays but still i love to teach! (:

new specs!

the focus of this picture is my HAIR! look at my fringe and please compare it with my ugly fringe now. the difference is so big! =( and the 2nd focus is the red specs im wearing. nice or not? HAHAS! its not mine anyway.

i finally went to make a new pair of specs yesterday. bestie went with me. and i chose a red one similar to the one i wore in the picture above. the only difference is that my frame is thicker and is in a rectangular shape. the colour is about the same i think? the auntie said it looked nice on me. bestie said it looked outstanding on me cus im fair. THAT'S GOOD! unique enough. :D i wanted to choose a purple one but okay, purple doesnt look nice on me and black doesnt look nice on me either. so i settled with a red one. i asked my mum to pay for me and she agreed! (:

went to town after that cus we're looking for presents to buy. bestie found her gift that she wanna buy. and surprisingly she received a text message from her jun saying things she doesnt wanna read. she showed it to me and okay, i have to say that he's not stupid. =X and the whole evening till night, bestie got very emotional and its like.. i can see she's very bothered by what he said. i know how she feels so i actually didnt say much to comfort her cus i know those comforting words are not what she wanna hear.

after dinner, i suggested playing games to make her happier. actually is i wanna play lars. HAHAS! =X so we went up to the e-games at cine. i wanted to play wii but its not available! SIANS! so we chose to play xbox. we were like 2 idiots who dont know how to start the thing lors. i asked the counter people and asked people playing beside us to help us but none of them came. in the end, the kind and helpful security came and help us. LOL! bestie went home after that still as emotional.

and i went to meet my good friend. i played a trick on him but things didnt turn out the way i thought it will be. im kinda disappointed with his reaction actually but i didnt say much thou. i thought i dont mean anything to him at all. or maybe im really not important in his heart at all? and i thought he dont mean everything he said to me, just treating me like a fling or something so i went home unhappily and all.

i cried on the way back and started to have a lot of nonsensical thinkings in my mind. maybe if you know whats going on, you will think im silly to get so serious about such a small thing like this. but to me, its not a small thing! just like what he said, it means something to him so obviously it means something to me too.

but we're fine now, hopefully. i keep telling myself not to get bothered by him or whatever but i just cant do it lars! like what bestie said, its not that she wanna think about jun but its already in her mind and she just cant help it. the same goes to me.

the only thing i can do now is just to cross my fingers and hope he will really keep his promises to me. i dont know what will become of me if things really dont turn out the way i want it to be this last time. turn heartless like what bestie said? never wanna get into a relationship ever again? maybe? sighs.

bestie msned me and said she dont feel like staying home so we're going ESCAPE to play play play!

day out with han kee

yesterday was the last day of school and the outing was fun! we went esplanade and west coast park. so many tourists were taking photographs of us and the children at esplanade cus its a rare sight to them i supposed? :) one of the ang moh tourist wanted to take a photograph of me and my children. so i told my children to look at the camera and twist! HAHAS! so my children and i twist for the tourist to take picture of us. the scene was super duper cute i tell you! LOL! and cristabel asked me funny questions along the way. LOL!

cristabel: teacher, inside the sea got crocodile?
me: no.
cristabel: then got shark?
me: no.
cristabel: then inside got what?
me: just fishes.

so after we came back from the outing, we had a short meeting. i was told that i'll be taking k2 next year. SIANS! i dont like k2 children cus they're big already so not cute de lors! =X but the good thing is i'll see some of my children again. :D

so after work i went home and met bestie! went fish and co. for dinner. saw aishah working over there so talked a bit with her. shopped around with bestie after dinner cus she wanted to get birthday present for her jun so helped her find lors.. gave her ideas on what to buy. and she bought a pair of lousy slippers from tinkerbell. LOL! then we went to xing wang cafe for our mango dessert! :)











candid shot by bestie again! (:

went to meet good friend after that. watched 'halloween' and the movie was kinda boring and lame to me. zZz. its a happie night yesterday! (: i realized we've been spending happie times together in this past few months. is this a good thing? we talked about alot of things. talked about going overseas together, talked about going shopping together, blablabla. everything was said by him. and i dont know how true is that. once bitten twice shy. so i kinda get scared that if i trust him too much, i'll get disappointed once again. he said he will prove everything he said to me is real so i hope my wish will come true this time.

last day of school 07

i had a very weird dream just now. the dream seemed so real that when i was awake, i thought it was real for a moment before i came to my senses. and then, i realized i had been having weird dreams that seemed so real recently. whats wrong with me? too stressed up? BAH! forget it! and guess what? i took a nap after i went home yesterday and i slept from 6pm all the way to 6am this morning! when i woke up i got a shock! i've been sleeping for 12 hours straight! i didnt take my dinner and all. LOL!

anyway, i received a anonymous secret message from somebody on facebook. it says "i still think about you." and it ends there. i was cracking my brain to think who is the fellow who sent me this. i browse through my friends list and i cant figure out who sent it to me. but i reckon this someone knows me eh?

and today is the last day of school. tomorrow we'll be going on an outing so not all the children will be coming to school and we had a party today. i kinda get emotional in class this morning with my lovely kids and all. LOL! they are really so lovable lars. they hugged me so tightly and told me things like "ms tong, you are our best teacher. i will miss you, i love you, i want you to teach us again, blablabla". birju cried today. LOL!

me: children, today is the last day of school and i wont see you again until next year. i wont be teaching you next year already so you will meet new teacher and have new friends.
them: *silence for awhile*
birju: i dont wanna go k2.
me: why?
birju: i scared.
me: why?
birju: cus i dont wanna have a new teacher. i scared the new teacher. i want you to teach me again.

so emotional right this kid! =) and cristabel told me this, "ms tong i will miss you! and when i miss you, i will take out our class photo and i can see your face!" HAHAS. so cute right this girl! but i really kinda miss all of them! time really flies. im with them for like half a year and they are all very close to me and stuffs already.

yesterday was the PTC and jasmine's mum told me she's glad that her child has settled down during this half year and jasmine love me so much that she always talk about me and talk about what i teach them in school when she goes home. i got similar comments from cristabel's mum and birju's mum.

the feeling i felt is indescribable. i guess all the teachers will feel like what i feel when they got feedback comments like this. at least you know you made a big influence on them and they love you! just like the way i love them. :D and guess what!? they start to talk like me now! imitate the way i scold them, imitate the way i talk and all. SO CUTE! :) they know me so well now and they know what i want from them and all. but we're gonna leave each other now. =( I JUST MISS THEM LARS! every single one of them... i treat them all just like my children! my babies! LOL! :)

i really love this job of mine so much! i just love teaching and adorable children to the max! :D the satisfaction i get from my job cant even be compared to my salary. im happie with my job now. (:

and lastly! the course im going to attend is cancelled!!! yayness! :D so i will have like 4 weeks of holidays! YES YES YES! :DDD

a kind of xing fu

i really feel so blessed to have my mum. thou she dont say much in words but her actions show she loves me. (:

yesterday i told her my umbrella is spoilt, she got me a new one today. when i say i have cravings for chocolates, she would go and buy alot for me and put them in the fridge the next day. when i say i wanna eat this or that, she would buy them for me the next day. when its dinner or lunch time, she would ALWAYS get my share ready and put it on the table for me.

sometimes i thought all these are just small lil things that she wont even take notice of or remember but she actually did. i have to say im touched. (: and she's the one who suggested holding a birthday party at a chalet for me next year when i dont even have any plans to celebrate for it or whatsoever.

yes, i argue with her, i quarrel with her and have cold war with her or blablabla. but at the end of the day, i still love her. who doesnt quarrel with mum? i start to appreciate the things she do for me from now. its abit too late i know but late better than never right? nobody loves me but my mum loves me! :D

and oh, CNY 08 is coming soon. in 3 months time? and i have to fret about buying clothes and stuffs and blablabla. i used to look forward to CNY when im young cus i get ang baos and eat loads of snacks and all but now i kinda get sians of it. same old procedure every year is just that we change cus we grow. i told my mum next year i will give all my ang baos to her cus since im working now i dont need the money and she's surprised i said that. see, i so guai right! HAHAS! =X

next month i can start buying clothes and blablabla already. and i have NO IDEA what i should buy for CNY. for such a shopaholic like me, it shouldnt be a problem for me to spot what i wanna buy since i go shopping so often. :D

talking about shopping, recently when i was out with my friends, i start to see people wearing scarfs and stuffs. i think they are totally out of their mind. shops started selling clothes that comes with scarfs doesnt mean we must buy it. this might be the trend now but come on, wear scarfs in singapore? its like so out lors! bestie and i always give each other 'that' face when we see people wearing scarfs. LOL! and i hate guys who wear SKINNIES. its like oh-so-gay can! its not even cool like what they said! what nonsense! no fashion sense at all lehs these people. why must you blindly follow the trend when you obviously dont suit into those clothings?

i realised im so good at shifting the topic away. HAHAS! from my mum to CNY to fashion and style. LOL! anyway, tomorrow will be the PTC which i hate! cus parents that wanna see me are fussy and weird and 'one kind' parents. i dont understand why they wanna see me when they already have a mindset of their own about their children? they wanna hear praises from me about their children? the fact is their children are full of faults than strengths for me to praise. i dont care! i shall just say the truth. whether they like to hear it anot, they still have to accept it cus their children are like this! you want me to tell lies to please them? oh so sorry, i cant do it! i'll be harming those kids instead of helping them in this way isn't it?

i hate PTCs! arghh! but this week is my last week of work! YEAH! :DDD

sorry guan soon

to someone,
im sorry i didnt pick up your call last night. its like all of a sudden, i just stop myself from picking up your call. its not cus i dont wish to talk to you or whatever, its cus i feel that im not ready to talk to you and i find us in a very awkward situation now.

i talked to sueping dearest last night. and she said maybe you feel even more weird to face me and maybe she's right? i dont know. i really dont know. i just know im sorry. yes, we're still friends but i just cant bring myself to face you for now. give us some time?

i remembered having this conversation with bestie.

me: so would you rather be with someone who loves you more than you love him or be with someone you love more?
her: be with someone i love more and i will make myself love him more than he love me. why you ask?
me: cus im also like this. i cant be with someone i dont love much at all. i would rather give out love more.

and i kinda realised this is bad. we will forever be at the losing end cus in the end if anything goes wrong in our relationship, the one who get hurt the most will be us. everyone has been telling me to find someone who loves me more, someone who will take care of me instead of i taking care of him.

who doesn't want people to take care of? I WANT! its just that i want that person to be someone i love too. i dont wanna have a boyfriend just for the sake of getting attached and in the end he's actually not someone i love. i know i disappoint some people but i really have no choice. i appreciate that they are good to me but all i can say is im sorry...

i miss my good friend! GOOD FRIEND! I MISS YOU!

awful weekend

this is how ugly i looked with my ugly hair. and bestie says i looked like a lil girl now. zZz. i want my hair to grow fast!

there's only one word to describe my weekend, AWFUL! friday was great and saturday was screwed. dont even wish to talk about saturday.

friday met up with bestie to town again and i bought a dress! :D and F! my hair is ugly like shit. bestie kept laughing at my hair. zZz. i was so paranoid the whole night.. kept asking her about my hair. LOL! i knew she cant stand me. HAHAS!

met up with good friend after that. watched 'stardust' together. the movie rocks! its like so magical and all juts like harry potter! hahas. was really happie with him. how i wish we never need to go home. he told me so much things and he even made me 打勾勾 with him to show that i will keep my promise. =) so cute! he said my hair looked better that day. i was like.. where got! still as ugly as ever. =(

saturday sucks! dont wish to mention anything about it. anyway, sueping is one clever girl. she knows who im talking about thou i never tell her anything. 不愧 is my bestie for years. =)

"真愛就是平凡. 穿著平凡的衣服, 住在平凡的房子, 過著吵吵鬧鬧的生活然後你還是會覺得很幸福." i heard this sentence in a drama series on tv. it reminds me of what D told me before. sighs.

feelings

suddenly have this urge to blog. dont you think feeling is an amazing thing?

i found out something. i actually couldnt believe my eyes when i read it. i asked him, was he talking about me and he said yes. this whole thing is just too sudden. i dont even know what to reply him, i dont even know how to react.

first it was christopher, next it was you. am i being too simple minded about everything? all along i thought we are all good friends. be it whether was it chris or you. all along i treated everyone as good friends. maybe i really think too simple of everything?

but im glad you understand whats going on. we've known each other for so long and i guess i understand you well enough. you dont seem upset on the surface but i know you're actually feeling very upset deep in your heart. i know i must have disappoint you in some ways or so, i just wanna say im sorry. you're one fantastic great guy and you definitely deserves someone better than me. im saying the truth not entertaining you with my words.

i cried today. ever since i broke up with D, i havent been crying for months until today. i suddenly just burst out crying. i feel so stress about everything. i feel so stress about my life now, about my work, about my friends, about my love.

bestie envies me now. but she dont understand what i actually feel inside me. what if she's the one who is in my shoes now? will she still think in the same way? maybe our situation is different. but its really miserable to be in my shoes now. what am i gonna do? will things still be the same or maybe worsen 3 months down the road?

i really dare not think about it. maybe i should take things slow for now. maybe things are moving on too fast now. maybe i should tell good friend about how i feel? will he understand? and no! its not PMS! im not having PMS! =X

dinner last night

Temperament
Idealist
You are the quintessential dreamer - spending more time thinking about the possibilities that the world holds for you, rather than your reality. You don't settle for anything less than what you truly desire and you work very hard. You tend to live in every place except the present - you are prone to daydreaming about the future and re-thinking the choices you made in the past. Sometimes you get overly caught up in your thoughts.

Interests
Simple
You are continually pursuing a simpler and less complicated life - you don't allow yourself to fall victim to all of the "should do's" that society continually bombards you with. You are thoughtful about your life choices and think in terms of yourself, others and the world in which we live. You have a great sense that we are part of something much bigger and we must be good to others, if we want others and the world to be good to us.

Amusement
Thoughtful
You are easily stressed out and overwhelmed - you need to take care of yourself first and foremost. Because you tend to be self reflective, you know your limits quite well and must remember to not exceed those limits. When you overwhelm your life with obligations and responsibilities, you tend to shut down and go into yourself even further. Take some time to find your serenity and kick back your feet.

Passion
Emotional
For you passion is less about romance and sex - it's more about friendship and family. Strong emotional bonds and connections are your passion and your pleasure. You always let your loved ones know how much you love, respect and admire them. You do this through kind words, loving actions and simple gestures. You count your blessings each day and express your love openly. You expect the same from others.

i took this picture personality quiz on facebook. its like so damn true about me lars! every aspects are true! sometimes, being simple minded is a kind of blessing. :)

yesterday went out for the dinner with my family. vivi didnt go due to her school stuffs and all. but i had a great time catching up with val! its been like 100 years since i last saw her and really chatted with her! we chatted and chatted non-stop. LOL! :D and my relatives from my paternal side were there too. i am bad. i gave my cousin nicknames! nono, not val or vivi. my cousins from my dad's side. =X

jun yuan kor kor came and talk to me about the products he's selling now. LOL! and yes! i can get a discount if i buy my creative mp3 from him! :D

and i had a freaking lousy haircut yesterday! talking about this really makes me mad! that freaking damn lousy stupid trainee dont even know how to cut my hair for goodness sake! my fringe is bloody short like F now. i was so pissed off and angry with her that i kept scolding her non-stop about my freaking ugly haircut. and she still talked back to me about it. F! and she showed me a black face after that. i am like this. if you really make me angry, i wont hesitate to scold you on the spot okay! so what if you're being scolded? you deserves it! WHO ASK YOU TO FREAKING CUT SPOIL MY HAIR! and the boss whom i know came and tried to salvage my hair and after a trim, it looked better. if not i dont wanna step out of my house for at least a week anymore. =X

im so looking forward to this coming weekend! :DDD

sorry

"Sometimes ignorance is really annoying ... If someone felt him annoying please gladly tell him so rather than letting the other guy being so paraniod.

I realise that being positive is stupid, in the end you will fall down hard on the expectation you expected." quoted from guan soon's blog

there's some misunderstanding going on between us i guess. and i guess the above blog post was talking about me i supposed? i didnt ignore you! its just that the timings you called me are always inappropriate. i know its my fault to make you feel bad. im sorry. i've been quite busy with work cus its towards the end of year and i have lotsa things to settle and finish up so when i get home, i'll be like dead tired. so i dont feel like doing anything or going out or talking. i just feel like resting. im sorry to give you the wrong idea that im ignoring you. sorry!!! and lastly, dont be negative hors! be POSITIVE! being positive is not stupid!

okay, my holidays are gonna be cut-short to 2 weeks! =( all cus of the stupid course that i'll be attending. tired is the only word i can describe myself now. im so tired everyday after work, with no mood to go anywhere or do anything but just go home and sleep! then when it reaches night time, i cant sleep cus i slept too much in the evening.

the only days when im living my life are weekends. cus i can relax and go out and blablabla. this weekend will be fun! :D val is asking me along to the party at sean's house this saturday. and she said he's been wanting to go out with me. LOL! so just nice, i'll be meeting him this saturday! and of course, finally can spend some time with val! :) still considering whether to stay over anot. his house is far like hell.

im wondering whether sueping dearest and my kbox trip is still on. sister! if you see this, get back to me asap busy woman! and and and! bestie! arrange with me which day you wanna go bugis to get your teeshirts.

oh man...

YAY! i received the class photos today! COOL! hehes.

mum just told me there's a dinner function on wednesday night. xiaoQ and his family will be going so im going to see VAL and VIVI! :D val's major exam is ending tomorrow which means we'll be meeting out soon! (: fun is coming along our way! :D

my mum has changed!!! she actually told me to go out after the dinner on wednesday! she dont mind me hanging out late anymore! she dont mind me going out every week anymore! this shows that she accepted the fact that im big enough to do what i wanna do. =)

anyway, did i mention that jay's new album rocks? YES IT ROCKS! LOL! his songs always rock, like always. :)

my didi and i came to a conclusion about PSP. he will pay half and i will pay half to buy the PSP that he wanted me to get for him. but we were arguing about which colour to get. of course, a person like me will go for colours that are unique and ONLY I HAVE IT. so i said i want the GOLD one. and he actually said he wants the WHITE one. like oh please, white one is so common for goodness sake! and he said white one is nice. zZz. I DONT CARE! GOLD MEANS GOLD! NO WHITE! he will have to give in to me like always if not i wont pay half for him! xP

people have been asking me who is my 'good friend' and even guess whether is it bryan. well, i think i dont have to let everyone know who is my 'good friend'. he will just remain mysterious to everybody till the day i feel like making him known. :) anyway, good friend means good friend lars. why do you people have to think so deep into it?

i kinda miss the times when my blog is not so known to everyone unlike now. i really dont know where the hell those readers from my blog came from. friends of friends of friends? passerbys? really passerbys? whatever it is, i dont like the feeling of having so many readers. so unknown readers, please dont patronize my blog anymore. (:

woohOo!

i was real busy this weekend. friday was the graduation concert for us. and we were all so busy with the dressing up and stuffs. the concert turned out to be very successful and our children can dance REALLY WELL! :D so proud of them! they really made us proud. =)

met up with my good friend after the concert and watched 'the game plan' together. the show was nice to me but it bores my friend out till he almost fell asleep and i caught him! LOL!

and i saw jingkun and brandon with their friend at cineleisure. i thought they didnt see me but jingkun did saw me! and he said he's too paiseh to say hi to me. luckily he didnt cus brandon's gonna tease me like no tomorrow if he knows! =X

met up with bestie on saturday after her work. went to marina square cus i wanted to get my mp3 but i have no time to get it! our dinner ended so late and by the time we went to take a look at it, the shops were almost about to close already. we met this cute family at swensens when we were having our dinner. they were sitting beside us and gosh, their daughter was damn CUTE! we were laughing at her most of the time and her parents were friendly peeps too! we even took photo with her! hehes. we were talking about having babies again. HAHAS! having babies just like that cute lil girl, as cute as her. LOL! she and i were day-dreaming about having a happie family like theirs. will my dream come true?

so we went to shop for awhile after our dinner and went to macdonald's to chill cus there's no where to go with all the shops closing. and guess what we did over there? we cam-whored like 2 idiots and she kept saying people were looking at us but who cares? as long as im happie can already. LOL! :D and we played stupid childish games together. HAHAS! super duper funny and lame i tell you! we were both laughing like crazy people. i cannot stand her lars! like seriously! and in the midst of our craziness, guan soon phoned me. and that idiot girl was disturbing me talking and of course guan soon heard her nonsense! and he asked if she's drunk. HAHAHAHAS! oh yes, she was indeed. =X

oh yar! we even cam-whored in people's SHOP in the middle of marina square. those open-area type of shops, so yupp, we stood there and cam-whored. LOL!

and again, met my good friend after that for a movie. we watched 'triangle' and that movie was LAME! the ending was lame, the storyline was lame. everything was just lame! LOL!

and guess who i saw at cineleisure? CHRISTOPHER! SHIT. i think im really very 'lucky'. he was with his bunch of friends and they all stopped to wait for him to talk to me. oh please. the situation was awkward enough for me to bury my face into a hole. =X he talked to me and i didnt really reply him. i just smiled and said im in a hurry and walked off. =X

woke up early this morning cus im meeting my colleagues to attend zu's sister's wedding ceremony. malay wedding was cool! its my first time attending a malay wedding like this. went home after that. was so tired!

this evening, chris msn-ed me.

him: you got new bf already ar?
me: no. who say one?
him: cus last nite you're like so secretive when i ask you who you with.
me: no mahs, i was in a hurry.
him: den so late already you meet who?
me: my friend lors.
him: who? i noe de mahs?
me: you dunno one.
him: i think you haf a new bf already rite?

i didnt reply him after that. he's crazy! okay! PICTURES TIME! :D

the super duper cute lil girl and me! :D

in people's shop. can you see the shop name? HAHAS! =X and i hate my CHUBBY FACE! =(

our reflection. by the way, im wearing bestie's cardigan cus im COLD! :)

in mac. stupid shot 1.

stupid shot 2.

stupid shot 3.

stupid shot 4.

stupid shot 5.

stupid shot 6.

stupid shot 7.

thats it. WORK again tomorrow. i dread going to work now cus i have things undone. =( but yeah! wednesday and thursday are public holidays! :D

im wondering if things are gonna be like what you said... so perfect.