ah jiao jie jie's wedding

girlfriend and i @ starbucks. :)

met up with sueping dearest on friday for our chilling out session at city hall. its been ages since i last went to city hall. we went to new york new york for dinner and walked around city hall. sueping and i wanted to get shades so we walked around to hunt for it. LOL! tried on a pair of white frame de and sueping said it looked cool on me. but i didnt get it in the end. but that is retro lors! i love retro style. LOL! then bought nail polishes too. :)

then we went to millenia walk de starbucks to chill. cam-whored and update each other about our stuffs. LOL! so.. she told me a SECRET of hers. hahas! so now i got something to tease her when i meet her up le. xP then we went home after that.

today.. went to attend my cousin's wedding dinner. at first i thought it will be boring cus im not close with relatives of my dad's side but it actually turns out quite okay. chatted quite a bit with jun yuan kor kor's girlfriend who is of my age. i can click quite well with her. but surprisingly, i cant really click with another cousin of my age. and my dad was crazy. kept introducing me to his friends and their sons. i dont understand what's his purpose lors. zZz. and he drank ALOT! my aunties were saying as if he's the one marrying off daughter and was so happie. LOL!

didi and i were sitting with our cousins while our parents were sitting at another table. and i didnt talk to my cousins at all except for jun yuan kor kor and his girlfriend. but most of the time, jun yuan kor kor was away from our table cus he went around socializing with people and he treated his girlfriend like as if she's transparent. =X so i asked her, "won't you find him neglecting you?" she said she's used to it already. and i find that jun yuan kor kor is a bad boyfriend! =X dont even care about his girlfriend at all de lors. =X

and there's actually 2 couples getting married today lors! one of them is my cousin, the other one is someone we dont know. and they held their dinner at the same restaurant! thats like so super funny lors! LOL! so there's like 2 dinners going on and 2 couples in the restaurant. hahas.

then met keng yeow and meng fai to chill after the dinner. we went to holland village cus there's more places to chill. went to eski bar for a drink. that pub is so cool lors! i wanna go there again! the environment rocks! and no, im not drunk today! hahas. i think maybe cus i ordered something mild ba. and went home after that. they sent me home! not to my doorstep thou. hahas. and meng fai's outfit today was nice! retro style! my favourite. LOL! i used to really criticise on his dressing but today he really surprised me. :)

and i know people are wondering if weelim and i stand a chance to be together and the answer is no! chemistry is the keyword. i find that we dont have that chemistry needed to start a relationship. yes, i can click well with him and stuffs but i think only as a friend ba. i told sueping he can only be a good buddy to me and nothing else. and he's been contacting me like everyday and telling me what is he doing and stuffs since we met up. this is like... i think maybe he got the wrong idea or something? =X and i find it quite irritating to bother me everyday telling me bo liao stuffs and asking me bo liao questions. =X

i want to just leave relationships to fate lars. when its here means its here. you cant chase it away no matter what right? when its not here means its not here. you cant force your mr right to appear now right?

and i doubt my wish will come true and i doubt my weekend will be what i looked forward to. hais. everything turns out to be just a... dream? a dream that will never come true.

weelim's birthday

chris was back yesterday and the moment he's back, he bombarded my phone with calls and messages and i replied none of it.

he then asked han kee AGAIN about why am i ignoring him for nothing. han kee didnt tell him anything and it sort of pissed him off and he sort of insulted her. it made han kee pissed off cus she told me she was. im very sorry that i got her involved for nothing when its none of her business at all. sorry girl.

so at that instant, i knew i cant avoid him anymore cus i dont wish to bring more trouble to han kee so i unblocked him on msn and told him the truth. he tried to act as if nothing happen but i can sense that he's being sarcastic to me. he's actually very angry with me and i know he's quite hurt by what i said. but, i really cant help it. i cant lie to myself. i just dont like him, needless to say about love. i mean, i like him as a friend, not a boyfriend. he said we will still be good friends but we both know this thing is drifting us apart unconsciously.

im relieved that at least this thing is over. =)

and, i met up with weelim today. i chose to meet him up cus.. its his birthday and he kept persuading me to meet him up on the phone last night till he wont wanna hang up unless i agree to meet him. zZz. i was so tired last night so i agreed in the end. =X so i met him at jurong point for dinner after his school.

he's super comical i tell you! LOL! i kept laughing over the dinner with him. his reactions, actions and words really made me laugh like mad. he's really LAME lors. LOL! and he cant stand me kept laughing at him. HAHAHAS! but i dont care and i still laugh. LOL! but anyway, he's very chatty and humourous and friendly and sociable. and im also very chatty with him. maybe cus he's chatty so i can really talk alot with him, even thou most of the time we were crapping. HAHAHAS.

and he kept asking me to buy him a cake and when i asked him why. he said, "so that you can sing me a birthday song with the cake!" zZz. but anyway, he treated me for the dinner cus he just wont allow me to pay for it! but i said i'll treat him to ice cream next time. =) and we walked around after dinner. i saw that retro mickey mouse that i wanted!!! super nice lors! even nicer than the last one i saw at more than words. somemore its like damn cheap lors! i wanna buy! that is like so unique lors! weelim wanted to get it for me just now but of course i rejected his offer.

then he sent me to the interchange and wait for my bus with me before he headed home. enjoyed the meet up session with him cus he really made me laugh like mad. =) this is the first time i celebrated someone's birthday when i dont even know him well at all. it feels.. weird at first but after that, he made me feel that we've known each other for a long time.. so this feeling gradually disappeared.

im looking forward to this weekend. i really am.

shopping spree

first of all, its weelim's(my friendster friend) 23rd birthday on this coming thursday and he actually asked me out to spend the birthday with him. my first reaction was "ME? why is it me when we dont even know each other that well?" and he actually dont plan to celebrate with his friends or family when he got tons of friends. zZz. but well, i didnt agree cus like what i said, i dont wish to meet up with him yet. but somehow, its kinda rude to reject his offer right? after all its his birthday. =X okay, im indecisive. and he's been jio-ing me out to do outdoor activities with him like roller-blading, cycling, climbing the bukit timah hill, swimming, etc. roller-blading sounds fun! :D and i sort of influenced him to love children as much as i do. HAHAS! oh well, children are CUTE! :D

anyway, met up with bestie han kee after work today AGAIN. LOL! we went to bugis cus i need to buy wrapping papers to wrap my presents for children's day. i got TONS of presents to wrap lors. SIANS! somebody help me please. =X i need to get them all done by friday. zZz.

so i bought my wrapping papers and we had dinner at sakae sushi AGAIN for me. LOL! then we walked around bugis and omgoodness, i didnt know bugis changed so much. okay, i've to admit its been a 100 years since i last went to bugis. but i dont really like to shop there due to the environment thou there's alot of things there.

so anyway, we looked at watches and bags cus i wanted to buy those. and saw a few nice watches. then we went to OG cus we wanted to look at the guess bags. and oh yar! both han kee and i actually wanted to buy the same bag lors! we were talking about it yesterday on msn. its like such a coincidence right! hahas. great mind thinks alike. :D and there's a 20% off for the item we wanted to get lors! so han kee and i bought it without any hestiation. HAHAHAS! =X nono, she bought another bag too! so she bought 2 guess bags and i bought one. LOL! i saw a carlo rino bag that i fancy and im gonna get it next month. we are crazy shopaholics man! our latest hobby is SPENDING MONEY! =X

well, girls without boyfriend are like this. we divert our attention to shopping and spending money cus it makes us feel better thou its only temporary. =X

and we happily went home! :) she said something on the bus that made me ponder for sometime. she said its like all of a sudden that we turned so close and it kinda made me realised that old friends that i havent been contacting for years actually started contacting me recently just out of a sudden too. han kee said its something like a blessing in disguise? i lost my boyfriend and i got more friends. but well, i dont want friends. i rather want my boyfriend back. hais.

okay, its work again tomorrow. SIANS! life is boring lars! work, work and still work. superbly SIANS! and chris texted me last night! i was shocked! but of course i didnt reply him. i shall wait till he's back then say. and he's coming back on like thursday or friday? oh man! its getting nearer! im scared. =X

chio! :D

life is boring!

i got fooled again. this is the 123547894th time already. hais. stupid? yes i am. but you know.. love makes one become stupid. =X

i finished my book today. guess whats the ending? they broke up in the end. just like D and i. i sort of guessed it from the start when i read the story.

anyway, asked vivian out today. it was a last minute decision. we went to town AGAIN for the erms.. 3rd time for me this week? SIANS! same activities every week, is just that the partner is different. LOL!

we had dinner, walked around and went to starbucks to chill. looks like starbucks is gonna be my second home soon le. LOL! chit-chatted and cam-whored. and today is our bad photo day. we took TONS of pictures but only one turns out nice. and our faces looked the same in every photo. zZz.

we talked about life to school to work to relationships to family to friends to fashion&style to blablabla. we talked about how boring is life to us now. we talked about how confusing are human beings living in this world, we talked about how we need to get confused on trival matters in our everyday life like buying lunch or even buying clothes, etc. and we talked about our CHUBBY FACES! we were looking at our photos and we were whining at how chubby our faces are. LOL! i hate my chubby face! like seriously! i hope i can cut away all my baby fats on my face! =X

the only nice one. =)

TONG TONG. LOL!

trying to act retro with my retro dress with a black&white photo but the background is so wrong. LOL!

thought about alot on the way home just now. i think i must really pluck up my courage to tell chris about what i feel. i must, its a must. i cant hurt him any further anymore. its unfair to avoid him when he dont know whats going on. i shall tell him when he's back from malaysia. hopefully things between us wont change which i think is almost near to impossible. sighs. im going to lose a good friend who's there for me be it rain or shine soon. why must things turn out to become like this? hais.

am i happie? im not. im not happie that you left me. im not happie without you around with me. im not happie im in such a mess now. im not happie with work. im not happie with my lifestyle now. im not happie with everything in my life now. im not leading a happie life at all. can you lend me your listening ear? i need someone to stop and listen to me.. to my whining. hais.

i guess i need to slow down, relax and think about what i really want in life now. its time i stop and decide which way to go instead of running aimlessly with no idea where is my final destination.

im tired.. i really am.

in a mess

out to town with yvette lao jie today to so-call celebrate her birthday. wanted to treat her to kbox but she rejected. LOL! then we went shopping but im the only one buying things. hahas.

lets see what i bought. i bought a guess wallet, a pair of heels and a perfume. i love the perfume smell and was attracted to it the moment i sniffed the scent. both yvette and i bought the same one. hahas. anyway, saw a guess bag that caught my eyes and the colour rocks. dont know whats the colour called but its close to red. didnt buy it in the end cus... im indecisive. LOL! and i bought that wallet of the same series with that colour. oh well, i dont care! ive made up my mind to buy that bag already. ITS NICE! and like what yvette said, if i buy that bag, i can kill 2 birds with one stone cus i want a bag that is red in colour since 100 years ago? LOL!

and i signed up for my debit card at the bank just now. thinking of signing up for that citibank de new credit card. shall see how. LOL!

then we went sakae sushi for our dinner. its been ages since i last ate at sakae le. enjoyed the dinner with her and we went to borders to look for books. hahas. saw tons of books down there but none interest me. actually there's one that interests me but.. still didnt get it in the end. LOL!

then we walked all the way from wheelock to PS cus she wanna buy her PSP game. then on the way there, yvette said its very obvious that there's 2 guys whistling at me trying to get my attention. but obviously i didnt turn around and see them lars. anyway, i cant be bothered also lors. who cares whether they are whistling at me anot! CHILDISH! =X i looked at them over at the traffic junction and from one look i can tell that they are AH BENGS lors! zZz.

after going to PS, we went to starbucks at the cathay to chill. read magazines and newspaper that she bought from 7-11. and of course we chit-chatted too. told her about chris and bryan. she gave me advices on what to do. i told her bryan is nothing but just a passerby to me but she thinks i can actually give him and myself a chance if i feel comfortable with him. but well, dont wish to talk about this now. actually its kinda scary to face chris now.. cus i think he's starting to cross over that remain-as-friends-border between us le.

went home after that. went to 7-11 to pay for my handphone bill and there's 2 foreign workers waiting behind me to pay for their beer. and after i finished my turn, they said "have a nice day. bye" to me. wth? LOL. my area is getting scarier with all the foreign workers drinking beer at night. zZz.

chris has been treating me like im his girlfriend already. calling me and sms-ing me non-stop for the whole day today. he even went on and asked han kee where am i, etc.

9/22/2007 8:04:26 PM Quisthofur Eroy™- ★- she dwells within the dark velvet.
where is joanne
9/22/2007 11:28:23 PM Quisthofur Eroy™- ★- she dwells within the dark velvet.
u there?
9/22/2007 11:29:12 PM sherlyn 也许我太过天真，以为奇迹会发生
ya
9/22/2007 11:29:29 PM Quisthofur Eroy™- ★- she dwells within the dark velvet.
u know wheres joanne?
9/22/2007 11:29:31 PM Quisthofur Eroy™- ★- she dwells within the dark velvet.
i am worried
9/22/2007 11:29:36 PM sherlyn 也许我太过天真，以为奇迹会发生
duno
9/22/2007 11:29:40 PM sherlyn 也许我太过天真，以为奇迹会发生
why worried?
9/22/2007 11:29:46 PM Quisthofur Eroy™- ★- she dwells within the dark velvet.
she not with u?
9/22/2007 11:29:53 PM sherlyn 也许我太过天真，以为奇迹会发生
u sms her loh
9/22/2007 11:30:46 PM Quisthofur Eroy™- ★- she dwells within the dark velvet.
sms her le.
9/22/2007 11:30:49 PM Quisthofur Eroy™- ★- she dwells within the dark velvet.
she dun wanna reply
9/22/2007 11:30:56 PM sherlyn 也许我太过天真，以为奇迹会发生
orh
9/22/2007 11:30:58 PM Quisthofur Eroy™- ★- she dwells within the dark velvet.
since 11am lor
9/22/2007 11:30:59 PM sherlyn 也许我太过天真，以为奇迹会发生
den i duno le
9/22/2007 11:31:47 PM Quisthofur Eroy™- ★- she dwells within the dark velvet.
ehhhhh
9/22/2007 11:31:48 PM Quisthofur Eroy™- ★- she dwells within the dark velvet.
why lidat
9/22/2007 11:31:49 PM Quisthofur Eroy™- ★- she dwells within the dark velvet.
hais
9/22/2007 11:31:55 PM sherlyn 也许我太过天真，以为奇迹会发生
i nt her arh
9/22/2007 11:31:59 PM Quisthofur Eroy™- ★- she dwells within the dark velvet.
i know ar..
9/22/2007 11:32:05 PM Quisthofur Eroy™- ★- she dwells within the dark velvet.
12hrs since she play missing
9/22/2007 11:32:08 PM Quisthofur Eroy™- ★- she dwells within the dark velvet.
say wanna meet me
9/22/2007 11:32:20 PM Quisthofur Eroy™- ★- she dwells within the dark velvet.
in the end say friend ask her go wat birthday party
9/22/2007 11:32:33 PM Quisthofur Eroy™- ★- she dwells within the dark velvet.
den nv reply le
9/22/2007 11:32:42 PM sherlyn 也许我太过天真，
oicic
9/22/2007 11:32:49 PM sherlyn 也许我太过天真，以为奇迹会发生
nv meet den nv meet lor
9/22/2007 11:32:55 PM sherlyn 也许我太过天真，以为奇迹会发生
dun nid so worried de rite
9/22/2007 11:32:57 PM sherlyn 也许我太过天真，以为奇迹会发生
she nt kid oso
9/22/2007 11:32:58 PM sherlyn 也许我太过天真，以为奇迹会发生
=x
9/22/2007 11:34:06 PM Quisthofur Eroy™- ★- she dwells within the dark velvet.
how i know later she go drink
9/22/2007 11:34:12 PM sherlyn 也许我太过天真，以为奇迹会发生
lol
9/22/2007 11:34:39 PM Quisthofur Eroy™- ★- she dwells within the dark velvet.
she go drink is gone one lor
9/22/2007 11:35:12 PM Quisthofur Eroy™- ★- she dwells within the dark velvet.
you know it one
9/22/2007 11:35:31 PM sherlyn 也许我太过天真，以为奇迹会发生
lolz
9/22/2007 11:35:39 PM sherlyn 也许我太过天真，以为奇迹会发生
she noe her limit de lor
9/22/2007 11:36:06 PM Quisthofur Eroy™- ★- she dwells within the dark velvet.
she where got limit
9/22/2007 11:36:09 PM Quisthofur Eroy™- ★- she dwells within the dark velvet.
alamak
9/22/2007 11:36:10 PM sherlyn 也许我太过天真，以为奇迹会发生
gt lor
9/22/2007 11:36:13 PM Quisthofur Eroy™- ★- she dwells within the dark velvet.
1 cup alr down
9/22/2007 11:36:19 PM sherlyn 也许我太过天真，以为奇迹会发生
ai ya
9/22/2007 11:36:26 PM sherlyn 也许我太过天真，以为奇迹会发生
tad time too concentrated
9/22/2007 11:36:37 PM Quisthofur Eroy™- ★- she dwells within the dark velvet.
lol..
9/22/2007 11:36:45 PM sherlyn 也许我太过天真，以为奇迹会发生
yahz
9/22/2007 11:36:57 PM Quisthofur Eroy™- ★- she dwells within the dark velvet.
then i nting to say le
9/22/2007 11:37:06 PM sherlyn 也许我太过天真，以为奇迹会发生
lol
9/22/2007 11:37:28 PM Quisthofur Eroy™- ★- she dwells within the dark velvet.
hais
9/22/2007 11:37:59 PM sherlyn 也许我太过天真，以为奇迹会发生
u so worried for her unless?
9/22/2007 11:38:16 PM Quisthofur Eroy™- ★- she dwells within the dark velvet.
huh
9/22/2007 11:38:21 PM Quisthofur Eroy™- ★- she dwells within the dark velvet.
worried for her unless?
9/22/2007 11:38:31 PM sherlyn 也许我太过天真，以为奇迹会发生
nth
9/22/2007 11:38:45 PM Quisthofur Eroy™- ★- she dwells within the dark velvet.
lol
9/22/2007 11:40:38 PM Quisthofur Eroy™- ★- she dwells within the dark velvet.
u try sms her
9/22/2007 11:40:45 PM Quisthofur Eroy™- ★- she dwells within the dark velvet.
see she got reply anot?
9/22/2007 11:40:48 PM sherlyn 也许我太过天真，以为奇迹会发生
huh
9/22/2007 11:40:52 PM sherlyn 也许我太过天真，以为奇迹会发生
for wad
9/22/2007 11:40:52 PM sherlyn 也许我太过天真，以为奇迹会发生
lolz
9/22/2007 11:40:56 PM sherlyn 也许我太过天真，以为奇迹会发生
my fone nt wif mi nw
9/22/2007 11:41:00 PM Quisthofur Eroy™- ★- she dwells within the dark velvet.
k
9/22/2007 11:41:01 PM Quisthofur Eroy™- ★- she dwells within the dark velvet.
suan

han kee sent their conversation to me just now. dont you think he's starting to cross the border already? actually i understand what he's feeling now. i understand what's the feeling of being ignored. i know he dont feel good now and i know i've hurt him. but.. he just scares me off lars. im afraid to face him or even talk to him now. can you imagine what i did? i blocked him from msn just now the moment i went online. =X im so afraid to see him or talk to him now. cant believe he changed his friendster shoutout talking about me and shocked to see his friendster comment for me. SCARY!!! =X

i told yvette i dont understand why am i involved in such a shit thing now and she replied me that my tao hua yun is too good already. and i replied her yar, my tao hua yun is good but is all lan tao hua. why the hell will i need all these lan tao hua for? i just need one good tao hua and thats it. sighs.

i guess i must have hurt him quite alot this time. but... i really dont have that kinda feel for him lars. i only treat him as a good friend all along! he's just not my type lars. he smokes and i hate my boyfriend to smoke for goodness sake.

i guess im going to avoid him for the time being thou everybody is telling me to clear things up with him. but i just dont have the courage to do so lars. =X IM SCARED! sighs. and yvette says thats my weak point which is true. ARGHH! im so troubled about this lars. why cant a guy and a girl just be good friends? hais.

a new friend that i knew through friendster told me he was at PS just now too at the same time as me and we reached home at around the same time too. LOL! he claimed that its fate. another guy telling me about fate. wth. hahas. D was the first one telling me about fate and now he's the second one telling me he believe in fate alot. LOL! he's those that is very sporty kind one. he's also into soccer just like D and he do other sports as well but still place soccer first. he even want me to bring him to climb bukit timah hill cus he havent been there before. hahas. and he invited me to join him and his friends for their pulau ubin trip on monday. so zZz right. LOL! i told him im not those sporty kind like him one and he said he love shopping and movies too. its just that he thinks its boring doing the same things every weekend which is true. hahas. and he's eager to meet me but i dont feel like meeting him so soon yet. =X he's trying to turn me into someone who likes to do outdoor activities lors.

jo Anne-` tears are words the heart cant say... says:
so wat will you suggest we do when we meet up?
AH LIM---->Morning Sunshine the best, i love it says:
u like to outdoor or indoor ?
jo Anne-` tears are words the heart cant say... says:
haha
jo Anne-` tears are words the heart cant say... says:
indoor can do wat you tell me?
AH LIM---->Morning Sunshine the best, i love it says:
see movie ice skating only
jo Anne-` tears are words the heart cant say... says:
outdoor?
AH LIM---->Morning Sunshine the best, i love it says:
go rollerbalde cycling go walk walk the beach feel the sea breeze
AH LIM---->Morning Sunshine the best, i love it says:
n go see nature at bt timah
AH LIM---->Morning Sunshine the best, i love it says:
alot outdoor

LOL right!

but maybe im scared le ba. hais. dont wish to get myself involve in relationships for now. being friends are good. at least i dont need to face breakups with friends, i can totally feel relaxed hanging out with friends, not worrying about breaking up right? i'll just let nature takes its course now. just like the story about tortoise and hare. slow and steady wins the game. =X

i miss you loads! you're never once out of my mind no matter what i do.

i dont love him

met up with bestie yesterday again. LOL! she wanted to go to the new temple situated at chinatown so asked me to accompany her. well, we reached chinatown and she actually doesnt know exactly where is the place. -.- so we walked and walked and walked and finally found it. LOL! the temple is damn big lors! like palace. hahas.

after praying and wishing and stuffs, we went to have dinner at yum cha. the food sucks! the xiao long bao sucks, the fried rice sucks also. my worst meal ever. =X and we did a very stupid thing over there. we counted the price of every dish that we wanted to order and add them up cus our budget was only 50 bucks and we're scared we doesnt have enough. HAHAHAS!

in the end? after eating, the waitress saw me taking out my one and only NEW 20 bucks, she said "aiyohs, why wanna use the new money? we accept nets lehs. come with me." LOL! so we paid in nets in the end. SUPER FUNNY i tell you! we seemed so stupid adding up the prices of those dishes. hahas.

went to clarke quay after dinner cus han kee wanna buy her pants from central. in the end she didnt buy it cus the size doesnt fit her. saw a sling bag from the same shop that looks simple and nice. i didnt buy it in the end cus im afraid i dont often use sling bag so i dropped the idea of buying it in the end. then we walked from clarke quay back to chinatown just to find the bus stop we can take bus from. LOL! reached home at around 11 plus.

outside the temple with my dragon.

random shot.

besties. =)

anyway, han kee gave me a very stupid nickname on thursday. she called me tong tong out a sudden from nowhere lors! LOL!

me: *tried to squat down cus my legs were tired at the bus stop*
her: aiyohs. tong tong ar..
me: why you suddenly call me tong tong?
her: LOL! dont know lehs. tong tong ar.

LOL! so i change my name to tong tong now. dont call me joanne or jo le. hahas! =X

i kinda find that im giving him false hope now. hais. maybe i should avoid him for the time being. but the problem is i dont wish to lose him as my good friend. i remembered D telling me that i appear too friendly and sociable to people le so they tend to get the wrong idea of me. is it true? but, i really just treat him as a very very good friend thats all. nothing more than a good friend. why am i getting myself in such a mess now? i guess i need to clear things up with him. hais.

im finishing the book that i borrowed from library already. and guess what? the story seemed like talking about D and me. LOL! i can relate myself to the story when im reading the book and that makes me wanna cry. the guy in the book is just like D and the girl is just like me. im eager to find out whats the ending! im addicted to reading now, i want more books!

yesterday 21st september was my dearest yvette lao jie's birthday so i wanna wish her a belated happie 23rd birthday! hope she will be happie and her relationship with her boyfriend will last. =) i love you loads lao jie! :D

i hope my wish will come true.

i have to stop lying to myself

"Also, I would like to thank EVERYONE for the lovely messages congratulating me and Sean. Thanks ah! Esp Cousin Jo! She helped darn loads la! And now that Cousin Jo knows Sean, Sean can't escape if he ever bullies me because Jo will find him!(I doubt this will happened. I think is vice versa. Hehehe)" - quoted from val's blog.

okay. val is attached to the shuai ge, sean! LOL! and i helped in matchmaking them lors! partially. hahas. without my conversation with sean, they might still be friends now. xP and! ahem, ms valie, did i ever bully you? hahas. alright. anyway, really happie for her! :D

okay. im DAMN TIRED today! photo-taking sessions almost killed me! =X early in the morning went to take photo with my morning class.. then the stupid photographer wanted me to take off my specs cus got reflection then ar.. i take off lors. he helped me to take my specs and after the photo-taking, he dont wanna return back to me lors! say i look prettier without specs. DOTS LARS HIM! zZz.

and during lunch time, so coincidental that they went to the same coffee shop as me to eat lunch. and that same guy said esther and i look like daughter and mother. and esther was so hyper about it for the rest of the day. zZz. LAME! =X

and in the afternoon, i brought my afternoon class over for the photo-taking and again, he purposely wanna help me hold my specs but of course i said i can hold it myself. LOL! then took teachers photo and self photo. LOL right! still got help us take self portrait one lehs. hahas.

and after all the photo-takings, i was damn bloody tired!!! dont know why. maybe cus i slept late last night ba.

met up with bestie han kee after work at town today cus she wanna shop for her heels. in the end? we both went home with damn tired legs and my damn tired shoulder(due to carrying of my heavy bag). zZz. she bought nothing and i just bought a pair of sandals only. saw a pair of heels that i wanted but arghhh! they doesnt have my size!!! =( wanted to buy bag.. but arghh! didnt see any one that caught my eyes!!! and we kept looking at dresses. LOL! we took bus home and we were listening to emo songs all the while on the bus. LOL! again, i thought about alot of stuffs. hais.

oh yar! before i met han kee, she was late and i reached early so i went up to the popular bookstore wanting to buy the book that i fancy and guess what? i actually saw more books that interest me lors! and im indecisive about which one to buy! it seems like all are damn interesting! okay, im addicted to reading now since i have so much free time. =) reading is good! :D

am so tired now. okay, i'll go to bed already. bye.

sighs

i refused to believe it and i never will accept it.

work was fine and funny as usual. love my kids to the bits! :)
birju: BOO!
jasmine: teacher, just now birju BOO at me, i scared.
me: LOL!

*during learning corners' time*
jasmine: teacher, jeana keep following me. she wanna 'monkey see, monkey do'.
me: *LOL* jeana! please stop copying your friend!

kader: tomorrow i dont want come to school.
me: why?
kader: i dont want go nursery. i tell my mummy i dont want come to school.
me: see! who ask you to do break dance in class! now scared i'll bring you to nursery is it?
kader: *silence*
me: okay, you dance for me to see now then i wont bring you to nursery.
kader: *smile and give me that shy face* dont want.
me: you want me to tell your mummy? that you do break dance in class with kanishpyar? dont wanna listen to teacher?
kader: *shows me an attitude black face* after school i go to grandpa shop, mummy never come.
me: nevermind! tomorrow morning i can talk to her when she bring you to school or i can call her! you want?
kader: *shook his head*

LOL! see lars! kids in my class doing break-dancing during transition time after their tamil class. wth right! cant believe it! hahas. tomorrow is photo-taking day! YEAH! my first class photo with my classes! so excited! kekes. anyway, heard from esther that mrs leong told her most probably i'll follow up my k1 classes to k2 next year. NO NO NO NO NO! i dont wanna teach k2! STRESS AR! graduating classes got hell lotsa things to do de lors! SIANS!

bryan talked a lil with me when he fetched shirley home from school this afternoon. asked about my relationship and stuffs. i told him im fine. dont really wish to tell him much about my relationship problems cus... i just feel uneasy to do so. maybe cus he's nothing but just a passerby to me ba.

anyway, met up with my sister chris after work. LOL! accompanied him to BBDC to sign up for his driving lessons since the school is just behind my workplace. LOL! i read those books and stuffs, and i have absolutely no idea what those bloody books are talking about! dont even feel like reading them in details lors. CHIMOLOGY! LOL! he kept asking me to sign up and learn together with him. but too bad, i dont feel like learning it now. maybe next year ba. but anyway, looking at those learners driving around the school seems fun! :D

then we went to west mall for dinner. after dinner, walked around and went in popular. i was browsing through the books section cus i thought of getting a book to read since its been bloody long since i last touch a book. LOL! saw one that really interests me! im so tempted to buy it lars! i wanna go back and get it!

then we went to library hoping that i could find a nice book to borrow and read and i found one! i was very engrossed in reading it! even while walking home, im also reading the book. the feeling of indulging in a nice book is great! i love reading actually, if you still dont know. hahas. its just that for the past years i havent really got the time to find a nice book to read. i feel so satisfied now. =)

somtimes life is as simple as indulging in a nice book and you will feel satisfied. =)

saw lynn and wei zhong. hmms. saw them at town the other day too but they didnt see me. thinking back, they are together for... 4 years or so already? thats damn fast! both of them didnt change much. and lynn said i changed quite abit. hahas. and i hope she wont get the wrong idea of me and chris. i already told her we are just friends. okay, am i unlucky or what? =X i hope she wont go around telling everyone she saw us and starts to talk nonsense. PLEASEEEEEE! =X

meeting up with bestie han kee after work tomorrow cus she need to get her heels. =)

the only way to stop deceiving yourself is to continue and deceive yourself with another lie again.

wtf is wrong with me?

gotta know something quite saddening today. one of my student in my afternoon class told me she got no mummy.

me: children, show this to your daddy mummy okay! (a handout given to them)
siti: teacher, i got no mummy.
me: huh? why?
siti: she passed away already. teacher, i like you. can you be my mummy?

i went to find out what happened from auntie faridah. she told me her mum passed away last year cus she had some very serious illness and her dad disappeared after her mum passed away. she's living with her grandparents now. HOW SAD RIGHT?! i feel so sad for her. she's very obedient, very adorable and is a very lovable child. im surprised she asked me to be her mummy. but maybe is also cus im quite close to her ba. i feel like crying lars! =X

i told her okay, i'll be her mummy and hugged her. my maternal instincts is here! LOL! i really pity her lars. i dont understand why the hell such daddy exists in this world. dont even want his own children! hais.

was thinking back alot of things about me, myself and i. realised i really regretted alot of things that i did. regrets. is life like this? full of regrets every now and then? why cant we humans just make the right decisions? why must we always wait till the matter is over before we start to regret?

i miss my granddad. i miss my childhood times, miss my kindergarten times, miss my primary school days, miss my secondary school days. i miss everything about me in the past. and i just hate my current life. life sucks to the max now. family problems, relationship problems, work problems, this problem, that problem surround me like no tomorrow. so sick of this current life of mine.

im unclear of my road ahead.

what are guys thinking?

"Xue and I have broke up.

It didn't come as a surprize to me, but it did to her. I guess humans wake up day after day making so many assumptions about life. That today is going to be the same as yesterday, with just a little scedular changes.

And there is nothing wrong with that. In fact, life would be an administrative nightmare had we not have the ability to to do that. But the fact of the matter is that, that is untrue. Today is NOT the same as yesterday. Feelings change, and emotions fade. When love loses is opacity, we are only left with promises left to break. When hatred fades into a tracing-paper-transparent, whats left is only self denial and self pity." - quoted from J(val's 'good friend')'s blog.

i chanced upon his blog unintentionally when val showed me his url. agree with what he said? sounds logical? feelings change and emotions fade. promises left to break? i remembered what chris told me yesterday. to a guy, promises are meant to be broken. but to a girl, promises mean everything. so to a guy feelings and emotions fade away so easily? and when their feelings are gone, promises mean nothing anymore?

L-O-V-E sucks. im getting out of it! im getting out of this whole love game. but can i do it? this is another question. its not like i can get out anytime i want. sighs. im just contradicting myself.

nobody can be nobody's substitute. i dont wanna get into a relationship now just to forget him. i dont want anyone to be his substitute and nobody can be or should be. love is not like i say i wanna forget means i can. afterall, i put in my real feelings to it. im sorry i have to disappoint some people. now is not the right time for me to get into a relationship i guess.

maybe i should just continue loving him till the day i met someone who can make me forget him. or maybe this someone wont appear at all cus... he's irreplaceable. somehow, all the memories of us just came back out of a sudden. not significant ones but those insignificant ones. like the times he piggy-backed me, the times he held my hands so tightly, the times he hugged me so tightly, the times he wiped away my tears when i cried, the times we shared eating an ice-cream together while walking on the streets, the times we sat down at the playground doing nothing but chit-chatting with each other, the times he carried me and going round in circles, the times we talked about watching sunrise and sunset together, the times he lied on my shoulder and sleep on the bus, the times he lied down on my lap and sleep below the void deck, the times when i looked at him sleeping soundly beside me, the times we talked about going to the zoo together, the times we talked about going on a holiday together, the times we looked forward to our future together, the times we laughed and joked together, the times he's jealous cus of me, the times i made him angry and upset, the times i made him laughed at me unintentionally, the times he said im very naive, the times we talked about creating our own family, the times we talked about our marriage date, the times we hugged and cried together and so much more. there's just too much to say.

I SMILED thinking back the past. cus i really love every moment we were together. even the bad times.. i love them too. cus nobody will ever hang up on me yet he's the first one. nobody will shout at me and yet he's also the first one. nobody can make me cry like hell in front of them and he's also the first one. i guess nobody will ever be like him.

even up till this point now, i still rather choose to believe him. i believe he didnt do so much things for me for nothing. maybe cus im a girl ba. i just tend to think differently from a guy.

i love you, and i always will.

missing him loads

its only until today then i realised.. ive disappoint so many people. went out with chris yesterday. he told me i talked about D when im drunk on friday which i didnt even know. okay, so being drunk makes me say out things which i dont dare to say out. luckily han kee and chris knows whats going on.

despite all the everything that i know, i still chose to live in my own fantasy world and believe in him. this is the only way that makes me feel better by deceiving myself. i know its stupid. i know everybody is disappointed and sad to see me like this. but what to do? i didnt do all this in purpose. i cant help it.

Quisthofur Eroy™- ★- tsunami.. is... coming.. back... says:
U DONT UNDERSTAND HOW GUYS THINK
Quisthofur Eroy™- ★- tsunami.. is... coming.. back... says:
I DO
Quisthofur Eroy™- ★- tsunami.. is... coming.. back... says:
BECAUSE I AM
Quisthofur Eroy™- ★- tsunami.. is... coming.. back... says:
A GUY
Quisthofur Eroy™- ★- tsunami.. is... coming.. back... says:
I AM IN HIS SHOE BEFORE.
Quisthofur Eroy™- ★- tsunami.. is... coming.. back... says:
I ALWAYS SAY ONLY FOR AWHILE. LATER BREAK WITH SOPHIA
Quisthofur Eroy™- ★- tsunami.. is... coming.. back... says:
IN THE END I BREAK WITH THEM EVEN BEFORE I BREAK WITH SOPHIA
Quisthofur Eroy™- ★- tsunami.. is... coming.. back... says:
PEOPLE TGT 2 YEARS
Quisthofur Eroy™- ★- tsunami.. is... coming.. back... says:
THE THINGS THEY DO IS TWICE AS MUCH AS YOURS
Quisthofur Eroy™- ★- tsunami.. is... coming.. back... says:
COMMITMENT TWICE AS YOU
jo Anne-` tears are words the heart cant say... says:
but he did so much things for me more than wat he did for charmaine
jo Anne-` tears are words the heart cant say... says:
how can he jus treat everything as nth now?
Quisthofur Eroy™- ★- tsunami.. is... coming.. back... says:
HOW U KNOW
Quisthofur Eroy™- ★- tsunami.. is... coming.. back... says:
DID U READ HIM LIKE A BOOK
Quisthofur Eroy™- ★- tsunami.. is... coming.. back... says:
U KNOW WAT HE THINKING NOW
Quisthofur Eroy™- ★- tsunami.. is... coming.. back... says:
HE FROM START ALR BLUFF U
Quisthofur Eroy™- ★- tsunami.. is... coming.. back... says:
WAT MAKES U THINK HE WILL BE HONEST WITH U
jo Anne-` tears are words the heart cant say... says:
so the things he did for me in the one yr all bluff me one?
jo Anne-` tears are words the heart cant say... says:
how can it be?
jo Anne-` tears are words the heart cant say... says:
even now i noe he bluff me frm the start
jo Anne-` tears are words the heart cant say... says:
i still choose to belief him
jo Anne-` tears are words the heart cant say... says:
i dunno why
jo Anne-` tears are words the heart cant say... says:
i really dunno why
Quisthofur Eroy™- ★- tsunami.. is... coming.. back... says:
BECUASE U ARE BLINDED BY THE THINGS HE DO
Quisthofur Eroy™- ★- tsunami.. is... coming.. back... says:
HE DO 1 YR THINGS FOR U
Quisthofur Eroy™- ★- tsunami.. is... coming.. back... says:
NOT BLUFF
Quisthofur Eroy™- ★- tsunami.. is... coming.. back... says:
IS REAL
Quisthofur Eroy™- ★- tsunami.. is... coming.. back... says:
BUT AS A SUBSTITUTE ONLY
Quisthofur Eroy™- ★- tsunami.. is... coming.. back... says:
WAKE UP LA
jo Anne-` tears are words the heart cant say... says:
no i dun belief is substitute
jo Anne-` tears are words the heart cant say... says:
he haf no reason to treat me like a sub
Quisthofur Eroy™- ★- tsunami.. is... coming.. back... says:
I VERY DISAPPOINTED WITH YOU
Quisthofur Eroy™- ★- tsunami.. is... coming.. back... says:
U WAN TO GET BACK WITH HIM
Quisthofur Eroy™- ★- tsunami.. is... coming.. back... says:
GO AHEAD
Quisthofur Eroy™- ★- tsunami.. is... coming.. back... says:
NEXT TIME DONT COME ASK ME WHY HE HAVEN BREAK WITH CHARMAINE
Quisthofur Eroy™- ★- tsunami.. is... coming.. back... says:
EVERYTHING I TELL U LIAO
Quisthofur Eroy™- ★- tsunami.. is... coming.. back... says:
IS U DUN WAN LISTEN
Quisthofur Eroy™- ★- tsunami.. is... coming.. back... says:
IF U BELIEVE UR STAND IS THE TRUTH AND FACT. GO BACK WITH HIM
Quisthofur Eroy™- ★- tsunami.. is... coming.. back... says:
I GOT NO MORE OBLIGATIONS WITH YOU ANYMORE.
Quisthofur Eroy™- ★- tsunami.. is... coming.. back... says:
I TOLD U UNDERSTAND
Quisthofur Eroy™- ★- tsunami.. is... coming.. back... says:
THOSE WORDS HE GAVE YOU IS FALSE HOPE
Quisthofur Eroy™- ★- tsunami.. is... coming.. back... says:
FALSE HOPE!!!!!!!!!!!
Quisthofur Eroy™- ★- tsunami.. is... coming.. back... says:
DO YOU KNOW WTH IS FALSE HOPE?!
Quisthofur Eroy™- ★- tsunami.. is... coming.. back... says:
DO YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT IS FALSE HOPE?
Quisthofur Eroy™- ★- tsunami.. is... coming.. back... says:
AND I UNDERSTAND HOW U ARE GOING THRU NOW
Quisthofur Eroy™- ★- tsunami.. is... coming.. back... says:
I KNOW WHAT U ARE FACING
Quisthofur Eroy™- ★- tsunami.. is... coming.. back... says:
THATS WHY I TAUGHT YOU HOW TO GET OVER THEM
Quisthofur Eroy™- ★- tsunami.. is... coming.. back... says:
BUT U DUN WANNA CO-OPERATE.
Quisthofur Eroy™- ★- tsunami.. is... coming.. back... says:
SOMEMORE SAY I DONT UNDERSTAND YOU
Quisthofur Eroy™- ★- tsunami.. is... coming.. back... says:
I AM JUST DISAPPOINTED
Quisthofur Eroy™- ★- tsunami.. is... coming.. back... says:
EVERY WORDS I PRESSED IS HURTING MY HEART
Quisthofur Eroy™- ★- tsunami.. is... coming.. back... says:
DO YOU KNOW THAT!?
Quisthofur Eroy™- ★- tsunami.. is... coming.. back... says:
I TRUELY WANNA HELP U
Quisthofur Eroy™- ★- tsunami.. is... coming.. back... says:
BUT U HAVE TO LET ME HELP YOU
Quisthofur Eroy™- ★- tsunami.. is... coming.. back... says:
I TELL U WAT A GUY IS THINKING
Quisthofur Eroy™- ★- tsunami.. is... coming.. back... says:
BECAUSE I WAN YOU TO UNDERSTAND AND SOLVE THE PROB WITH UR OWN WAY
Quisthofur Eroy™- ★- tsunami.. is... coming.. back... says:
BECAUSE I DONT UNDERSTAND WAT A GIRL IS THINKING
Quisthofur Eroy™- ★- tsunami.. is... coming.. back... says:
THATS ALL
jo Anne-` tears are words the heart cant say... says:
wat im thinking now is also hurting me alot
jo Anne-` tears are words the heart cant say... says:
now i tell you wat gals are thinking
jo Anne-` tears are words the heart cant say... says:
yes even thou i noe he cheated on me but i still choose to belief him
jo Anne-` tears are words the heart cant say... says:
cus dis will make me feel better
jo Anne-` tears are words the heart cant say... says:
i dun wish to accept the truth cus i wanna escape frm the reality so i wun feel as much pain
jo Anne-` tears are words the heart cant say... says:
i noe dis is only deceiving myself
jo Anne-` tears are words the heart cant say... says:
but i still choose dis way if not im going to haf a harder time to get on wif my life
jo Anne-` tears are words the heart cant say... says:
i tot going out everyday can make me forget him faster
jo Anne-` tears are words the heart cant say... says:
but i realise im jus deceiving myself again
Quisthofur Eroy™- ★- tsunami.. is... coming.. back... says:
JUST CONTINUE TO DO IT
Quisthofur Eroy™- ★- tsunami.. is... coming.. back... says:
SOON U WILL REALISE U ARE NOT DECEIVING URSELF
Quisthofur Eroy™- ★- tsunami.. is... coming.. back... says:
GET A NEW LIFE
Quisthofur Eroy™- ★- tsunami.. is... coming.. back... says:
EVERYTHING WILL BE FINE AGAIN
Quisthofur Eroy™- ★- tsunami.. is... coming.. back... says:
TRUST ME
Quisthofur Eroy™- ★- tsunami.. is... coming.. back... says:
ONCE U FALL MUST LEARN TO WALK BACK UP
Quisthofur Eroy™- ★- tsunami.. is... coming.. back... says:
I ASSURE U WILL BE FINE
Quisthofur Eroy™- ★- tsunami.. is... coming.. back... says:
DONT ENTERTAIN HIM ANYMORE
jo Anne-` tears are words the heart cant say... says:
when a guy is set on leaving a gal.. will he still regret?
Quisthofur Eroy™- ★- tsunami.. is... coming.. back... says:
HE WILL
Quisthofur Eroy™- ★- tsunami.. is... coming.. back... says:
BUT HE WONT SAY
Quisthofur Eroy™- ★- tsunami.. is... coming.. back... says:
HE WONT REALISE WAT IS LOVE
Quisthofur Eroy™- ★- tsunami.. is... coming.. back... says:
DONT BE CHILDISH LA
Quisthofur Eroy™- ★- tsunami.. is... coming.. back... says:
HE IS JUST PLAYING
Quisthofur Eroy™- ★- i am back to my old self. no more mr.nice guy. says:
EVERYTHING ALSO DARREN SAY
jo Anne-` tears are words the heart cant say... says:
why did you put such a nick like dis?
Quisthofur Eroy™- ★- I am back to my old self. No more gentlemen and Mr.Nice guy. says:
because the girl i like irritate me

i didnt know i'll disappoint him this much. i know he's damn disappointed in me cus i just refused to listen to his words. but you think i dont want to? if i can let go, i'll have let go already. but its hard, its really hard like hell. its killing me to let go. guys just dont understand. so what if i got a new boyfriend next time? it doesnt mean i can forget him. it doesnt mean i dont love him anymore. i know how strong my love is for him. i know how difficult it is for me to get over everything. its just hard, damn hard.

been crying like an idiot yesterday and today. been missing him like hell since yesterday. i thought everything is fine.. i thought everything is under my control which is actually rubbish. I CANT DO IT LARS! I CANT! I FUCKING CANT!!!

darren ong! if you're reading this, i wanna let you know i love you and i always will! you can stop loving me but you cant stop me from loving you! i refuse to listen to chris cus i rather choose to believe you cus deceiving myself is the only way to make myself feel better now. i dont need you to do anything now, i dont need you to tell me anything now. i just wish that you will be really happie with your new life cus this is the only thing i can wish for now. all i know is i'll never be the same without you anymore. cus its you who taught me how to love and its you who make me become what i am now. without my teacher, i am nothing. without you, life is meaningless. nobody will teach me how to love a person like the way you do anymore. there's only one darren in this world and there's only one joanne in this world. nobody will love me like the way you do and nobody will love you like the way i do anymore. i know our past means nothing to you now but it means everything to me now cus memories are the only thing left for us that nobody can snatch away. i'll give you my blessings.

i know some people out there will say im shameless and so on but i dont care! i cant be bothered about what others think of me. im foolish, i dont deny i am. then just let me be this shameless and foolish ba. afterall, ive been this foolish for one year already.

chilling out at clarke quay

my friday was... cool! LOL! met my bestie han kee after work and we went clarke quay for our chilling out session. christopher called me and said he wanted to join us so he came along with us.

had dinner at manhattan fish market. then we went to clarke quay hoping to find a pub for chilling out and wth. we walked like for an hour plus before we found a pub and settled down lors. the crowd yesterday was scary! so many people i tell you! all cus of the mid autumn festival thing and its TGIF so alot of people were there.

so we drank and chit-chatted in the pub. han kee talked to chris about her relationship and so did i. he said im too innocent already thats why will get cheated. hais. and guess what? im drunk only after 3/4 cup of martini. =X okay lars, im not a good drinker what! i dont drink often also lors! then after that chris suggested to bring me go out and breathe in some fresh air maybe i will feel better. then we sat down at the steps of the singapore river and he started nagging at me! zZz. say i dont know how to drink still wanna drink, then go club sure get bullied one cus guys will find me an easy prey, only need to drink 2 cups of liquor and i will get drunk liao. han kee kept saying she's scared that i'll fall off the stairs into the river. HAHAS!

then we went home. han kee was holding on to me all the time when we were walking cus i cannot even walk straight. my head was heavy and spinning and im only half conscious at that time. LOL! so we cabbed home. han kee told me they disturbed me, asking me stupid questions in the cab and i told them funny answers lors. but i cannot remember a single thing that happened on the cab lors. all i know was the taxi driver kept talking non-stop. LOL! and they sent me all the way to my doorstep cus they were worried for me. THANKS ALOT!!! im glad that i have such good friends like han kee and chris. :D

PICTURES!
candid shot by bestie! :D recently i have a fetish for dresses for i dont know why. LOL!

bestie and i at mrt station.

bestie and i at clarke quay. =)

bestie and chris.

me and chris.

and! i bought my children's day gifts already! i bought them pencil cases and stationery sets. the stationery sets are so beautiful especially the mickey mouse one! i bought one for myself too. =X LOL! too cute already lars! cannot resists buying it. hehes. will update more tonight. :D

2nd day of letting go

the only reason people hold on to memories so tight is because memories are the only thing that won't change when everything else dies.

today is the second day of getting over with him. i do still think of him at times when i've nothing to do and i really hate the feeling of having nothing to do cus based on my character, i know i'll start to think of him again.

i read something online just now and it sort of made me emo again. love is not blind, it sees but it doesn't mind. this is so true. we jolly well know whats going on but we can actually forgo every other factors and stick with our decision. this is how strong love is, isnt it? maybe you people wont know what im talking about. i guess the only person who understands is han kee.

can time really heal everything? or time just allow us to numb ourselves towards everything thats all? i remembered vivian telling me something when i chatted with her last week. she said we need new memories to replace the old ones so that we can then really put the past behind us. is it so? the problem is.. what if you already think he's someone irreplaceable in your heart long ago? what if he's the first guy you ever thought of spending your lifetime with? i remembered him telling me something last week. he said there will always be someone you wont forget even till the day you get married cus you know he/she is the one you love most in your life. if its so, why get married then? you are not going to be with the one you love most right? the one you love most is already gone. hais.

i start to get all confused by love already. isn't love supposed to be as simple as can be? why am i hearing and seeing more complicated stories now? is it cus im just plain naive and think that love is such a wonderful thing? or is it cus the other factors involved are way more important than love? i used to love someone for years, no matter how he treated me, i still chose to love him just cus i have feelings for him. isn't it supposed to be this simple? friends say im too devoted and give in too much of my feelings in a relationship already.. thats why i end up getting hurt. but i just cant help it. this is me. when i get into a relationship, i'll just give in my everything. maybe its also cus i didnt thought that such thing will happen to me ba. well, now i know. everything is unpredictable.

i really dont wanna think about him anymore. dear God, please help me and give me strength to let go...

anyway, im FORCED to join the PAP organization or whatever that is cus now im one of their teachers in PAP. wth. waste my money to pay the membership fee every year!

me: must i really join? wont it be boring to go to their events? cus i supposed it will be all old people who go right?
mrs leong: you will be surprised! more and more youngsters are joining now. there are alot of 20+ youngsters there you know! anyway, now the government want more new blood instead of old ones so they encourage young people to join. you join can know more new friends there you know.

AS IF I CARE! i cant even be bothered to attend any of their activities lars. WASTE MY TIME! zZz. STUPID PAP!

and you know what? the stupid MOE want new teachers to pay money to become their teacher officially lors! and you know whats the reason for doing so? cus MOE find that nowadays people like to become teachers for fun and quit after awhile. so they want us to pay money so that we wont quit being one so easily. what kinda stupid reason is this! okay, so i wasted money on becoming a PAP member and giving money to MOE for nothing. STUPID!

children's day is coming!!! got half day and holiday again! HAHAS! i still havent thought of what to buy lors. shit. and you know what? i saw children playing with PSP and nitendo DS lite recently. even some children in my class have PSP at home. and their parents cant even afford the school fees? what nonsense is this? buy something that is 300 over bucks can afford lars, pay school fees less than a hundred no money lars? totally absurd man! yar lars, i know. they dont pay is none of my business but its hard for me to do my accounts you know! =X

and recently, my workplace is being blacklisted for the hot spot for dengue fever lors! the hot spot is JUST OUTSIDE MY CLASSROOM! wtf! its so scary i tell you. i heard from zu that she saw a mosquito flying over her head this morning and she realised the mosquito's body is ORANGE in colour de lors! wth! hopefully i wont get bitten! PLEASE!

i wanna go on a holiday!!! i wanna travel overseas! MUMMYYYYYY! LOL! i wanna save lotsa money now so i can go on a holiday during the year end holidays! :D

1st day of letting go

Pisces: The Addict
EXTREMELY adorable. Intelligent. Loves
to joke. Very Good sense of humor.
Energetic. Predict future. GREAT
kisser. Always get what they want.
Attractive. Easy going. Loves being in
long relationship. Talkative.
Romantic. Caring.

some points are very true. one point that is not very true is im NOT talkative! LOL! im only talkative in front of people i know and close with. :D

alright. today is officially the first day of getting-over-with-him-plan. i find it going on kinda smoothly for day 1. busy is the keyword to everything! i try to keep myself busy during work so that i wont have time to let my thoughts run wild. but somehow, its just so funny about one thing. i guess i shouldnt say what is this thing cus i dont want people to know.

last night was nonsense! nono, i should say the past one year was all nonsense! misunderstandings ALL THE TIME! but somehow, im not so troubled over them anymore. cus... i dont see the point to. after all, its all in the past. and the past is over now.

anyway, today i tested my afternoon class about what they've learnt from me and guess what!? im amazed that they actually can remember those things i taught them lors! i feel so proud of myself! this sense of achievement and satisfaction is so wonderful! :D i love teaching! and! someone called me halfway through in class, and the class heard my ringtone and laughed like crazy. hahas! i set my ringtone as 'elmo song' sent by han kee. the ringtone is cute lars so i love it. :P and they kept laughing at the ringtone. LOL! children! :D

bryan asked for my handphone number today and i didnt give it to him. i gave him my msn instead. so... chatted quite a bit with him just now. he's quite a nice guy but i told him i dont wish to get into a relationship now... so dont waste time on me. and he respect my decision to be friends first. =)

okay. im going to keep myself as busy as can be. let's see.. saturday christopher is going to bring me to escape! he want me to play till im dead tired so i wont think so much. and he wanna go cycling! i said i dont know and he laughed at me! wth. hahas. but he said he'll teach me. :D sunday.. might be going to cousin's house cus of some getting married thing. next week.. han kee and i going to clarke quay to chill, going to yvette lao jie's birthday celebration and MR CHEW still owe me one date! :D okay, i guess this 2 coming weeks im booked! GOOD!

the only thing that is everlasting in this world is friendship and kinship. =)

this part is specially dedicated to someone.
to that someone out there. if you read my blog, you should know who you are.
okay. firstly, i dont mean to sound rude or whatever and i have no grudges with you or what. but i really cant stand the way you write about HER in your blog. its like.. ridiculous? i mean, look. who's the childish one here? she have her reasons for doing that okay and you cant blame her for that, like seriously. why dont you ask yourself what kinda friend have you been to her over the years? if you wanna say she's childish, then i guess you're even more childish. she's been tolerating you for so long over the years and i guess everybody's patience is limited. she deleted you not only cus of this matter. she did this cus she cant stand you anymore. us, being the outsiders actually see the whole picture clearer than you do. i guess its high time you reflect on yourself. you should be glad that you have such a good friend with you over all these years. she tolerated all your nonsenses, she helped you in every way she can and she didnt even complain a single thing at all. you lose such a good friend now is your misfortune. you should ask yourself why you will lose her instead of blaming her for being childish. im sorry i have to speak up for her cus she's my sister and i feel so upset for her that you put the blame on her for nothing when you actually still didnt realise where the real fault lies at. hope you will think about what i said.

let it go?

"我真的很生氣!
真的對你很失望!
你是一個很好的女孩子
可是你太天真了! 你還以為他真的愛你嗎?
認識你那麼久了 你以為我還不了解你嗎?
你自己知道的 你最討厭那一種男人的
為什麼還要這樣?
身為你的好朋友 我不想看到你被騙 你懂嗎?
難到你還看不出你已經被騙了嗎?
我就是那個指引你對的方向幫你走出來的人!
你自己還要這樣.. 我真的很失望!
你真的不可以再這樣下去了 你懂嗎?
人的意志力是很厲害的 你知道嗎?
只要你不斷地告訴自己你可以把他忘掉的 你就一定能做到的
雖然我知道需要很多很多的時間
但是你現在很好啊 有進步了
繼續跟更多朋友出去 你就不會想那麼多了
想他的時候就打給我 SMS我
不管多晚我都會REPLY你的
我是來幫你的
可是你又不肯幫自己
那你到底要怎樣?
你不可以再這樣下去了!
where's your self-esteem?"

yesterday christopher came to my house downstairs and find me again. the above were said by him. he told me lotsa things. he showed me real life examples of the true side of human beings. he told me about himself, his stories. i was kinda shocked about everything that he said. and i was actually kinda amazed that he actually matured alot over the past one year or two. its like.. he's no longer the old christopher that i know. i realised alot of my friends around me have matured alot over the past one year or two. and i realised.. im still the only one that is so naive, just like what he said. hais.

his words sort of woke me up today. i shouldnt be like this anymore. im just deceiving myself all this while. i know its going to take a very long time for everything to be back to normal, but i should persevere and hang on no matter what. i know its going to be hard, i know its going to be tormenting for me, but i have no choice, do i?

guys are a selfish bunch of creatures on this planet. they only think for themselves and cant even be bothered that they actually hurt someone alot. well, of course they cant be bothered cus the one getting hurt is not them. and do they even care about the consequences aftermath? they only know how to avoid until everything is over and get on with life like normal as if nothing had happened. what about the someone that they hurt? that someone wont be like them who just live like normal and forget about everything.

i guess thats the difference between a man and a women. dont find a partner? dont get married? best solution? love is sweet when its really at its honeymoon period but love can be really cruel and hurting when everything comes to an end. what's forever? what's everlasting love? what's 'i love you till the end of time?' they can give you 1000 promises and they will break it one by one to you. at the end of the day, it all comes down to nothing.

i guess all this is predestined. i no longer have anymore hopes on love le. i've seen through everything. be it guys or girls.. everyone is just so fake, putting on a mask to face everybody in this world. im getting really disgusted by everything that i've heard and seen. i guess being single is the best for me now? enjoying life with my family and friends, no need to worry about anything.

i blog cus of attention? if i really want attention, i wont blog something from my heart out like this anymore. i blog cus i feel like doing so, i blog cus its the only way that makes me feel better. if i really want attention, i would have promote my blog everywhere on the net already. my friends should know i cant even be bothered to promote my blog anywhere on the net cus my main purpose is not for the whole world to read and i dont intend to. people who read my blog through links, i cant stop them cus they found it themselves.

sometimes alot of things are not like what you think or what we think. im just plain naive ba.

EVERYTHING IS OVER!

saturday!

saturday was COOL! beloved popo's birthday dinner was great! i can see that popo was very happie! :D i love my popo so much! =) sat with xin lun korkor's family and popo. xin lun kor kor was 'bullying' me as usual. zZz. and he bought that samsung new phone that i wanted! COOL! i wanna change phone! he kept teasing me saying my hand is SHORT cus i couldn't reach the food so he kept pushing the plate in front of me so that its convenient for me. and he kept testing me about songs' names and stuffs. LAME lars him! LOL! we chatted alot, joked alot and stuffs. i tasted a new type alcohol! its the erms.. mint chocolate wine or something. DAMN NICE I TELL YOU! :D its with chocolate of course nice lars! hehes. xP

too bad vivian wasn't there last night due to her performance. =( valerie was talking to me about J* and her. i feel so sad for her lars! then, halfway through the dinner, guan soon called me again! he thought i was out with sueping dearest already. LOL! anyway, after the dinner ended, i met up with sueping dearest for our chilling-out session. christopher last minute cannot make it cus he wanna go for bike racing. zZz. so now bike is his everything already lars! SISTER ALSO DONT CARE LIAO! =( so anyway, i dont know how to walk to the mrt station so kindhearted val offered to bring me. her friends waited for her outside the restaurant and i joined them. i kinda click quite well with her friend, sean. the moment he see me, he asked me about remy ong.

him: so how is remy related to you ar? your uncle?
me: NO LARS! he's my cousin's husband which means he's my cousin-in-law.
him: ohhhh. i was a bowler 3-4 years ago but i quitted now.
me: i see.

then.. blablabla.. started chatting while walking to the mrt. val and him decided to join me and sueping dearest so we took the same mrt. on the mrt, val said she's amazed that less than an hour and i can actually talk so much with sean whereas i cant really talk much with another of her friend, ling? LOL! so, met up with sueping at town and the 4 of us went to the top floor of shaw and chill. chatted ALOT about relationships and stuffs cus so coincidentally that me, val and sean fell out of love recently!

sean told us alot about his relationship stuffs and sueping and i were totally amazed at the romantic things he had done for his ex. and he's actually really very matured for his age. he's really one of those very few minorities 'mr nice guy' in the world. :) talked about J&val, D&me, sean and his ex. sueping just sat down there listening and laughing. LOL! then of course we cam-whored! :D

sean! SHUAI GE! :D

VAL! trying to act as zhen zi! HAHAS!

dearest wanna be a fan of CHANEL? xP

JO trying to be the promoter of CHANEL. LOL!





i love this! :D



BESTIES FOR 7 years and counting on! :D

val and i! cousins for life! :D



we chilled out together and went home at around 2 plus. sean showed us magic tricks from poker cards! sueping and i were damn fascinated with it! so cool i tell you! i wanna learn! amazing! :D so reached home at around 3am. dead tired!

im meeting up keng yeow and meng fai later on for dinner. they are waiting for me at town already! i need to rush now! will come back with more updates. :D

friday

WOW! im having so much fun for the past few days! FUN FUN AND MORE FUN! :D looks like i've to divide the post into two so that i can finish updating everything.

friday.. like what i mentioned, i was out with my bestie han kee to vivo city cus i was very down and badly needed someone to accompany me and she's the one who offered to accompany me! she never fails to be there for me as always! :) we had dinner together and went up to the open space at the top floor to chill after dinner.

the night scenery there was perfect! cool sea view, slight sea breeze and the weather was good that night! perfect place for a couple to chill out together and enjoy each other's company. but for me, my 'bf' is my bestie. LOL! so we started listening to songs, sang songs together. i cried all of a sudden after listening to a song cus it really reminds me of us. the song just so magically fits us so well. han kee cried too. both of us just cried together. she said she misses him alot.. just like the way i miss him too. =( somehow, after that we started going crazy taking photos from different angles. LOL! and i became her photographer for the night! taking pictures of her from different angles. :D she LOVE to take candid shots of me for i dont know why! some shots she took of me are damn funny lors! super unglam can! LOL! alright. PICTURES TIME! :D

PRETTY US!

us trying to act angry... failed. LOL!

i love this! artistic! :D

can you spot our reflection? (:

candid shot of me 1.

candid shot of me 2. OMG! what am i doing? LOL!

candid shot of me 3. look at my chubby face!



my bestie posing for the camera. (:

me being her photographer still must help her carry her bag! LOL!

on the bus. im browsing through her MP3 for songs so she took this without me knowing!

smile~ :D

shall talk about my saturday in my next post! :D

a way of numbing myself?

okay. been a 'thousand years' since i last blogged eh? LOL! im too busy already lars! i've got tons of photos to show and got tons of going-out sessions to share! :D

went out with yvette to town on thursday. wanted to buy belt but arghh, couldn't find the one that i wanted! then had dinner at fish&co at paragon. saw aishah working there and she gave us fries for free. LOL! but like what aishah said, look at my face can know i cant even finish the main course already, needless to say about the fries. so, the fries was wasted! went KBOX after our dinner and we sing, sang, sung till 10pm. PICTURES! :D








received a missed call from guan soon. he said he's not feeling good cus it was his dad's 100th day death anniversary and he knelled down in front of the ritual till his knees hurt when his knees already have injuries from his basketball sessions. so im kind enough and offered to go down and accompany him since he came down and accompany me when im down. =) then, he told me he going to novena to play games again! zZz. LAME! =X but still, i went down after my kbox session.

so chit-chatted with him and saw wei siong, ji ting, shi wei and zhen way. his game friends. LOL! the most exaggerating part was they actually couldn't recognise me except for wei siong. he told the rest im joanne and the rest actually dont believe. wth. this is like really exaggerating right? we've been schoolmates for like 4 years lors! i supposed i didnt change that drastically right guan soon? but so anyway, i kept telling guan soon games are the lamest thing on earth and he cant stand me saying that! HAHAHAS! true right? games are lame! xP he actually brought me up to that ulu lan shop and the moment i stepped in, everybody was looking at me like im some alien from outer space lors! guan soon and shi wei were trying to arrange a place for me to sit but i rather go home lars. i felt damn uncomfortable down there when everybody was looking at me. somemore, its like super boring to see them play games and i do nothing down there lars. so he sent me off to the mrt station.

guan soon! you owe me one drink hors! bluff me go down accompany you! LOL! =X

and... i was out with kan kee on friday. shall talk about it in my next entry when she send me all the crazy photos we took. :D plus! im going for my beloved grandma's birthday dinner tonight! and gonna have fun with sueping dearest after my dinner!

seriously, one post is not enough for me to talk about everything. :D i've got TONS TO TALK ABOUT!

tagged by val!

okay. shit. i got tagged by cousin val to do this! zZz. so here it is.

List out the top 5 birthday presents you wish for:

1. him
2. him
3. him
4. him
5. him

The person who tagged you is: COUSIN VAL! :D
Your relationship with her: CLOSE COUSINS! :D
Your 5 impressions of her: crazy, silly, PRETTY(she'll be elated to see this. LOL!), funny laughter(LOL!), erms... thin?
The most memorable thing she had done for you: erms... lend me her ear when i need someone to talk to.
The most memorable words that she had said to you: I LOVE YOU! :D
If there will be a chance, will she become your lover? NO WAY! *hair stands*
If she's your lover, what she has to improve on? err... be serious abit? LOL!
If she becomes your enemy? oh come on. this question dont apply to us cus we are family and family doesnt become enemies with each other. (:
The reason why she becomes your enemy: already say she wont become my enemy already!
What will you like to do for her now? bring her out to play so she wont feel so stressed up over her O's? :)
Your overall impression of her: CRAZYYYYY GIRL! LOL!
How people around me will think of me: too softhearted, friendly, sociable, quiet, shy, thin, blur, cries easily(crybaby =X), emotional, blablabla.
What do I love about myself: EVERYTHING!
What do I hate myself? indecisive and being too emotional.
The most ideal person I would like to be: erms.. errr.. JOANNE ROWLING! :D
Some words for those who care for me: a million thanks! i love you all! MUACKS! LOL! :D

Pass this quiz to 10 ppl tt u wish to know how they feel about you.
1) cousin vivi
2) GUAN SOON
3) yvette lao jie
4) han kee
5) CLARIS
6) cousin val (can i tag you back? LOL!)
7) -
8) -
9) -
10) cant think of anyone anymore lars!

Who is 2 having relationship with: his basketball or maybe his GAME? LOL! =X
Is 9 a female/male: -
Will it be good if 1 and 10 are to get together: 1 is happily attached. :)
How about 3&4: they are not lesbians.
2 studying about: erms. forgotten! =X think is something to do with computer.. game designing or what? =X
When was the last time you'd chatted with 3: erms. days ago?
What kind of music does 8 like? -
6 has any siblings? one elder sister!
Will you woo 3? obviously not!
How about 7? -
Is 4 single? yes.
Surname of 5: koh.
Hobby of 5: kboxing!
3 studying at: SIM.
Have you ever developed feelings for 8? -
Where does 9 live? -
What colour does 4 like? good question. LOL!
Are 1&3 best friends? no.
Does 7 like 2? -
How do you know 2? secondary school classmates!
Does 5 has pet? no.

picture speaks a thousand words

pictures speak a thousand words.































get it? BYE.

my shopping day!

"cus you caught my eyes can?"

this sentence was in my mind for the whole day cus i actually cant believe what i heard. so now i finally understand everything. its all along just lust between us.. no love. the love and promises and all are just lies. disappointed... very. yupp, this time im really stupid and naive. laugh at me ba. laugh at me for my foolishness and stupidness people.

okay, at least the trip wasnt wasted today cus i managed to find out something. i cried a little cus i cant accept what he said to me. but after thinking for awhile, i decided to stop pursuing the so-called real truth and his explanation cus i think.. i totally know what he's thinking now. so what if i heard his explanation and know the real truth? things wont go back to normal anymore. he said no matter what he will still explain things to me cus he owe me that. fine. if he wanna explain, i'll still listen.

i deleted my tagboard away and refuse to do any replies to any one of them cus i dont see the need to. who are the childish ones people can see and judge for themselves. im not trying to say they are the childish ones cus people might think im the childish one instead. so its up to people to judge and decide everything. God knows whether i did ask her for the truth anot kaes. she herself should also know whether i did ask her for the truth anot. my conscience is clear. i totally did nothing wrong in this whole thing at all neither do i wish to actually get involved in all this. im just a simple girl. you people belong to the complicated world so lets just leave each other alone. the one who did something wrong now is her beloved boyfriend. its her boyfriend who got me involved in all this and lied to me from the start. you people wanna say im the third party, fine. i admit cus i know i indirectly become one when i didnt even know a single thing. up till now, i dont wish to say he is at fault cus you people might say im a sore loser who blame others instead of myself. so now i blame myself? for what? that i didnt treat him the way i should as a rightful girlfriend so he went back to her? if someone really loves you, he wont run away no matter what. im sure love is not just about treating you the way you wanted. its about everything, loving the person as herself and accept her and all. the same goes to her, if he really loves her he wont cheat on her to be with me cus of lust at first sight, am i right? but i cant say anything much cus they have been together for 2 years plus. so what makes you people think that i didnt treat him the way i should as a rightful girlfriend? he thinks this way doesnt mean others think the same way. its cus he cant accept me and love me for who i am. put it in simple words, our characters dont match at all. but seriously, what we've been through in this one year i can dare to say is something that she never go through with him before.

i guess all i wanna say i already say le. i apologize for not finding out the real truth before saying she's the third party. but at the end of the day, im afterall still the vitim of this whole thing. im talking very nicely in a polite tone now. so i hope this whole thing will just come to an end. the 2 of them will continue to live in their complicated world while i will continue to live in my simple world. get it?

he said he need time to think and sort out his thinkings about everything. i guess if you're reading this, there's no need to think about anything anymore. you know what you actually want deep down in your heart already right? you only owe me an explanation thats all, no answer in choosing who understand? so you and her will continue your happie life and i will continue my life like the past too. just treat it as its all just a... dream, a show. the show started and has ended now.

OKAY! enough of the above. anyway, i went for a shopping spree with my bestie han kee today! the both of us can really shop like mad i tell you. i bought like... 2 dresses, one black shorts(which i regretted in buying it!), one turquoise shirt, one spaghetti strap, necklaces and... spent on dinner, movie, chill-out session at coffee bean. i spent close to 200 bucks today can! LOL! i cant believe myself spending so much in a day. initially was having a mindset that the more i spend, the more things i buy the more i wont think about him and i can be happie. but im like so wrong. after finish buying everything, im still thinking about him.

anyway, was so happie chatting with her. LOL! chatted alot alot on relationships. her relationship and mine... was saying so many stupid things and 'what ifs'. LOL! we love to daydream. but whats the use? hais. watched evan almighty and the show was great! and she actually linked the show to our real life relationships.. like wth. cant stand her. LOL! she really THINKS TOO MUCH! way more than me man. cant believe someone actually can think way more than i do. DEAR GIRL, YOU REALLY THINK TOO TOO TOO MUCH ALREADY! dont anyhow link things here and there can! LOL!

and we cam-whore like idiots in the TOILET! HAHAHAS! damn funny! we took pictures when nobody is around and suddenly somebody came in and saw us posing to take photo cus she set her camera to timer mode! SO PAISEH I TELL YOU! we laughed like nobody's business. LOL! but its fun! :D



i love this! :D

han kee! :)

ME! :)

take 1.

take 2. :D

she took this when we were at coffee bean. trying to take candid shot of me.. failed. LOL! xP

got artistic feel eh? she wanted to move the empty cup away and i said "nonono! like that then got more artistic feel." LOL!

then we went home together. christopher wanted to come and find me just now but i rejected him lars cus he was outside and by the time he come is already so late le. anyway, he came and find me yesterday. we sat down at the playground downstairs my house and chatted for like 2 hours plus? he told me lotsa things and we lied down at the slide looking at the sky and chatting at the same time. i didnt know lying down at the slide looking at the sky can be so nice lehs. :) anyway really appreciate his company whenever im down. THANKS ALOT SISTER! LOL! :D

and oh, i still havent got the time to talk about teachers' day right? i received like 2 big bags of gifts on friday and until now i still leave it in my room untouched. LOL! super lazy to open them up one by one lars. =X will upload the pictures i took with my class in my next post! (: