yes. its been ages since i last blogged. the reason is i dont have anything to blog about. tons and tons of bad things had been happening to me for the past few weeks near to a month. it seems like after my 19th birthday, all the bad luck that i can ever have is all on me.
ive never felt so unlucky before in my whole life. i swear this is the worst time ever in my life. its already been about 3 weeks after my birthday. and never once did those bad things stop happening. day after day, bad things keep coming towards me. i cant even stop and take a rest. hais.
no matter how hard i tried to keep myself happie, i still cant do it. im already trying hard, trying very hard to be happie, to be positive, to stop thinking so much about everything but once im happie, bad things happen again.
sometimes i cant help but think about giving up, giving up everything, once and for all. i really had enough already. i really had enough of everything that is going through in my life now. i dont need any more bad things to happen again, please.
i really dont wish to cry anymore. ive been crying every night, everyday, everywhere. i feel so stressed up in everything. i just feel like killing myself so that i dont have to suffer anymore. you wont ever know what im feeling inside me cus you are not me. telling me to cheer up, telling me to be happie and whatever stupid things wont help at all! the reason is very simple. things dont happen on you so you can easily say all that out of your mouth. all the bad things are happening on me! ME ME ME!!! you wont have any idea of what is it like to have bad things happening to you everyday, every single day without fail!
ive been having this bloody feeling almost everyday that something bad is gonna happen and im really so sick of it! but what can i do? there's nothing i can do about it! im feeling so terrible... so so so terrible.
there's so much so much so much things inside me that i wanna say it out but who can i say it to? some things are so hard to say out. i cant tell my friends, i cant tell baby, i cant tell anybody else and i cant blog it out!!! i cant let anybody know and i feel so terrible. what should i do? what should i do?!
who am i now? i cant even recognise me anymore. i just want my life to be back to normal. i just wanna be back to normal. is it that hard? what must i do to gain back my perfect life? what must i do to gain back my perfect self?
how am i going to go through this worst time in my life? how am i going to act like normal? how am i going to tell people that im fine when im totally not fine at all?! i dont wish to act anymore. i dont wish to pretend in front of everyone smiling and saying im fine, dont worry about me. im tired. im very tired of doing all this.
dear God, please help me to get through this worst time in my life. please let my life be back to normal again. please let all the bad luck that i can ever have to go away and stay as far as they can away from me. please...
Friday, March 23, 2007
Friday, March 16, 2007
i want my happiness
ive think enough. i dont wish to think about anything anymore.
its been ages since im last very very happie already. all i want now is to find back my happiness and be happie once again.
i wished to be a better me and lead a better life in 2007. i must do it. i wanna enjoy myself. i wanna do things that ive never done before. i wanna go to the beach to watch sunrise and sunset, i wanna fly a kite, i wanna learn cycling, i wanna go roller-blading and the list goes on.
thousands of people out there are dying to live on but dont have a chance to do so and yet im having suicidal thoughts inside me. i thought of swallowing down one whole bottle of sleeping pills and just die like this. i even asked baby before where to get sleeping pills. how silly right? but of course, this was in the past. i no longer think this way anymore. now i just wanna live on happily.
was on msn with joyce just now. she told me she caught her husband having an affair outside again. she told me she called her husband to check what is he doing, her husband lied. she heard a girl's voice just before her husband hang up the call. i really dont know what to say to console her cus its already the-dont-know-how-many-time that her husband cheated on her. but i really envy her, envy her for always being so happie-go-lucky whenever something happen.
she once shared something with me while telling me about her husband. she said she just wanna be a simple women who can find someone who really love her, faithful and devoted to her. she asked me, is it really that hard to find this one and only guy in her life? she never ask for much and this is what she sees as happiness.
she's right. i totally agree with her. all the girls are the same. they all hope to find the one and only guy in their life and live happily ever after. but, searching for this one and only guy is not easy, not easy at all.
i keep hoping and praying that baby is my one and only in my life and i keep praying that he can be the one that is with me till i grow old when all my teeth drops. i remembered very clearly the anniversary sms he sent me on our 2nd month. he said he wish to have a future with me and wish he can grow old together with me till all our teeth drops. maybe the sms doesnt mean much to you, but it definitely means alot to me. alot of things that he had done for me and alot of things he once told me are all etched deep down in my heart and i never forget any of them cus all of them mean so much to me. anyone can snatch him away and he can leave me anytime but the memories that i have with him will always stay with me. nobody can ever snatch this memory away cus this memory belong to us and only us.
this month is our 9th month together already. in another couple of months, we're gonna be one year old already. time really flies. to think the very first time that i met him was at orchard mrt station. it was a raining day and i was scared to meet him up alone. i even asked huimin to follow us. LOL! very stupid i know but i scared lars! =X
anyway, the main thing is i just wanna be happie! i wanna find the happiness that belongs to me! i wanna be a happie girl once again! xD
its been ages since im last very very happie already. all i want now is to find back my happiness and be happie once again.
i wished to be a better me and lead a better life in 2007. i must do it. i wanna enjoy myself. i wanna do things that ive never done before. i wanna go to the beach to watch sunrise and sunset, i wanna fly a kite, i wanna learn cycling, i wanna go roller-blading and the list goes on.
thousands of people out there are dying to live on but dont have a chance to do so and yet im having suicidal thoughts inside me. i thought of swallowing down one whole bottle of sleeping pills and just die like this. i even asked baby before where to get sleeping pills. how silly right? but of course, this was in the past. i no longer think this way anymore. now i just wanna live on happily.
was on msn with joyce just now. she told me she caught her husband having an affair outside again. she told me she called her husband to check what is he doing, her husband lied. she heard a girl's voice just before her husband hang up the call. i really dont know what to say to console her cus its already the-dont-know-how-many-time that her husband cheated on her. but i really envy her, envy her for always being so happie-go-lucky whenever something happen.
she once shared something with me while telling me about her husband. she said she just wanna be a simple women who can find someone who really love her, faithful and devoted to her. she asked me, is it really that hard to find this one and only guy in her life? she never ask for much and this is what she sees as happiness.
she's right. i totally agree with her. all the girls are the same. they all hope to find the one and only guy in their life and live happily ever after. but, searching for this one and only guy is not easy, not easy at all.
i keep hoping and praying that baby is my one and only in my life and i keep praying that he can be the one that is with me till i grow old when all my teeth drops. i remembered very clearly the anniversary sms he sent me on our 2nd month. he said he wish to have a future with me and wish he can grow old together with me till all our teeth drops. maybe the sms doesnt mean much to you, but it definitely means alot to me. alot of things that he had done for me and alot of things he once told me are all etched deep down in my heart and i never forget any of them cus all of them mean so much to me. anyone can snatch him away and he can leave me anytime but the memories that i have with him will always stay with me. nobody can ever snatch this memory away cus this memory belong to us and only us.
this month is our 9th month together already. in another couple of months, we're gonna be one year old already. time really flies. to think the very first time that i met him was at orchard mrt station. it was a raining day and i was scared to meet him up alone. i even asked huimin to follow us. LOL! very stupid i know but i scared lars! =X
anyway, the main thing is i just wanna be happie! i wanna find the happiness that belongs to me! i wanna be a happie girl once again! xD
Friday, March 09, 2007
a letter that will never reach you
dear mr ong,
ive never once lost any interest in us, my feelings never once fade away and will never fade away. ive been through 8 months of ups and downs with you, been through so much with you and i remember every single thing that happened to us, be it good or bad, its all etched in my heart. your place in my heart is irreplaceable. nobody can ever replace you ever again.
you're right. im unhappie, very extremely unhappie. whats wrong? you kept asking me but i cant even find an answer for myself, so i dont even know how to answer you. im really very very unhappie. wo zhen de hen bu kai xin. no, its got nothing to do with you. its just... i feel so empty in me out of a sudden. ive never feel this way in the whole 18 years of my life.
you're right. mei you le.. wo de xing fu.. yi jing mei you le. i no longer feel happie anymore, my heart is not smiling anymore, i no longer feel xing fu anymore... im so sad, i really feel so upset now. i feel like im the only one in a black and cold room all by myself with nobody around me, with nobody there for me. i feel so lonely.. i feel so terrible. you know.. all these feelings just came up to me all of a sudden and i dont even know whats wrong with me.
its like.. ive suddenly lost interest in everything, lost interest in life. i totally have no motivation to do anything. no motivation to smile, no motivation to go out, no motivation to be happie, no motivation to find jobs, no motivation to laugh with you, no motivation to cry with you, no motivation to talk to you, no motivation to talk to anybody. all i feel like doing is to lie on my bed and sleep whole day.
i really feel like ending my life now, at this point of time. you asked me to teach you how to be strong enough to hide all your feelings to yourself. i dont know how to answer you. i guess this is me, i grew up from a family like this so when things happen to me, i will just keep everything to myself, i will just hide all my feelings deep down in my heart and cry all by myself at night. its not about im so strong enough to do it, its cus im used to it.
its not that i dont wanna go back to my old self, its not that i dont wanna be as happie as i was last time. its just that... i cant go back to my old self anymore. things changed after my 19th birthday. everything changed. i just dont know why. to be honest, i dont even have a happie birthday this year. im not happie at all. im no longer happie already.
sometimes not only you wish you can swim inside my heart to find out what im thinking and how i feel, i wish you can do it too cus i know it myself that i can never express myself in front of you. but sometimes, there are really times that i so much wanna tell you how i feel and what i think.
i dont know what you mean by you feel a close connection with me that you feel so much when i feel unhappie. i seriously cant figure out what you're trying to say but i wanna say im sorry. sorry for making you feel troubled over me, sorry for making you feel unhappie together with me. im sorry, very sorry.
i just wish i can forever be a child. i just wish i can stop time, i can dont grow up so that you can forever teach me and guide me about what to do and that i need not worry and think about anything. im really happie to be the silly baby of yours cus it makes me feel the way i felt 4 years ago, someone who is doting on me like a princess.
i dont know when will i 'recover' from this but if i dont and if one day, if ever there's this day when im leaving you.. for good, you must promise me not to get upset and promise me to live a better life without me okay? i believe you can do it cus you're the most positive person ive ever met.
i love you.. i really do.
with <3;
your silly baby
ive never once lost any interest in us, my feelings never once fade away and will never fade away. ive been through 8 months of ups and downs with you, been through so much with you and i remember every single thing that happened to us, be it good or bad, its all etched in my heart. your place in my heart is irreplaceable. nobody can ever replace you ever again.
you're right. im unhappie, very extremely unhappie. whats wrong? you kept asking me but i cant even find an answer for myself, so i dont even know how to answer you. im really very very unhappie. wo zhen de hen bu kai xin. no, its got nothing to do with you. its just... i feel so empty in me out of a sudden. ive never feel this way in the whole 18 years of my life.
you're right. mei you le.. wo de xing fu.. yi jing mei you le. i no longer feel happie anymore, my heart is not smiling anymore, i no longer feel xing fu anymore... im so sad, i really feel so upset now. i feel like im the only one in a black and cold room all by myself with nobody around me, with nobody there for me. i feel so lonely.. i feel so terrible. you know.. all these feelings just came up to me all of a sudden and i dont even know whats wrong with me.
its like.. ive suddenly lost interest in everything, lost interest in life. i totally have no motivation to do anything. no motivation to smile, no motivation to go out, no motivation to be happie, no motivation to find jobs, no motivation to laugh with you, no motivation to cry with you, no motivation to talk to you, no motivation to talk to anybody. all i feel like doing is to lie on my bed and sleep whole day.
i really feel like ending my life now, at this point of time. you asked me to teach you how to be strong enough to hide all your feelings to yourself. i dont know how to answer you. i guess this is me, i grew up from a family like this so when things happen to me, i will just keep everything to myself, i will just hide all my feelings deep down in my heart and cry all by myself at night. its not about im so strong enough to do it, its cus im used to it.
its not that i dont wanna go back to my old self, its not that i dont wanna be as happie as i was last time. its just that... i cant go back to my old self anymore. things changed after my 19th birthday. everything changed. i just dont know why. to be honest, i dont even have a happie birthday this year. im not happie at all. im no longer happie already.
sometimes not only you wish you can swim inside my heart to find out what im thinking and how i feel, i wish you can do it too cus i know it myself that i can never express myself in front of you. but sometimes, there are really times that i so much wanna tell you how i feel and what i think.
i dont know what you mean by you feel a close connection with me that you feel so much when i feel unhappie. i seriously cant figure out what you're trying to say but i wanna say im sorry. sorry for making you feel troubled over me, sorry for making you feel unhappie together with me. im sorry, very sorry.
i just wish i can forever be a child. i just wish i can stop time, i can dont grow up so that you can forever teach me and guide me about what to do and that i need not worry and think about anything. im really happie to be the silly baby of yours cus it makes me feel the way i felt 4 years ago, someone who is doting on me like a princess.
i dont know when will i 'recover' from this but if i dont and if one day, if ever there's this day when im leaving you.. for good, you must promise me not to get upset and promise me to live a better life without me okay? i believe you can do it cus you're the most positive person ive ever met.
i love you.. i really do.
with <3;
your silly baby
Thursday, March 08, 2007
the breakup season
recently people around me are falling out of love. i read blogs and hear many stories. i almost became one of them, as in i almost fall out of love too. =X anyway, was kinda sad for them lars. i can see that they are really very devastated. now then i realised when guys fall out of love, they are as heartbroken as girls too.
i remember i once chatted with somebody-i-cant-say on msn about love.
him: bei ai shi xing fu de.
me: i dont really agree lehs. if you dont love the person, no matter what he/she do, you wont feel anything at all right? you must have feelings for the person so that you will feel something what. this kinda thing is mutual de. so when he/she loves you but you dont love him/her is not xing fu de.
him: hmm.. ehh.. you got me stuck here.
me: cus you know what i said make sense.
everybody have different thinkings. you might not agree with what i said. but this is me. im that straightforward when it comes to love. bei ai shi xing fu de IF im in love with the person too. if i dont have feelings for the person, no matter what he do i wont feel a single thing, nothing at all. i dont consider this as being xing fu. i still prefer to give out love to someone i love.
had a chat with didi just now. he's one of the victims too. hais. =(
didi: jie. you think you and darren will last mahs?
me: i dont know. why you ask this?
didi: you can stand each other's character mehs?
me: *silent for a moment* yar. as time pass by when we know each other more we will slowly accept each other lors.
didi: i broke up with my gf for a month plus liao lehs.
me: see, i know it! you just dont wanna tell me the truth when i asked you a few days ago.
didi: hais. what should i do? she dont wanna give me another chance and she found herself another bf liao.
me: what?! i think she's playing around lars. just forget about her.
many people envy me that i have such a nice boyfriend and everything. but why dont i feel happie about it? i mean, im really blessed and feel xing fu that i have him and everything but somehow, i just dont feel the sweetness of being in love anymore. i used to feel it when he first said he's interested in me, i used to feel it during our very first meet-up session, i used to feel it when he very first hold my hand and said he will want to hold it forever, i used to feel it when he first showed me his care and concern when i fell sick, i used to feel it when he texted me everyday without fail to show that he still remember me, i used to feel it when we just started dating, i used to feel it when i first started making chocolates for him and many more. i really feel so happie then! cus i know it myself that i finally fall in love again. the feeling of falling in love is great, just too great for me to explain in words.
i used to really love 'love'. i remember i used to have an exbf who treated me real good, dote on me like a princess but i didnt cherish him cus i find that i just dont have the special feel for him. he used to tell me alot alot of nice things about us, our future and everything. i remember we used to go to the beach and sit down to start to fantasize about love, to start to say about how we will be like in 10 years time and everything. he used to wait for me very patiently everytime im late for dates due to school events and never complain a single thing. he would just pat on my head, smile at me and said he finally see me again. he loved to pat on my head and stroke my hair gently making me feel like a total princess being dote on. i would then feel so sweeeeeeeeetttt that i can just die of sweetness like this. when i see something i like on the street and never buy it, he would buy them for me and gave it to me during our next date. there's so much more beautiful things that he did for me that i just cant finish saying them. he's the most romantic guy ive ever seen. i checked up on our horoscopes and it says we are totally very compatible with each other and stuffs. but... hais.
when i said breakup to him, he kept quiet and never once contact me again. but, he would send me a message on my birthday every year without fail for the next consecutive 2 years when i forgot his birthday gradually.
im only fifteen back then. i was so innocent and naive and i know nuts about love. alright. thou even up till now, i still cant figure out love. =X i guess i can never go back to the past. mr ong and i will never be like the past that i used to have cus things changed, and both of them are totally different. even when i wanna go back to our past when we first know each other and stuffs is also impossible already cus things have changed. i guess i can never understand love.
i just hate growing uppppp. i dont wanna be an adult!!!
i remember i once chatted with somebody-i-cant-say on msn about love.
him: bei ai shi xing fu de.
me: i dont really agree lehs. if you dont love the person, no matter what he/she do, you wont feel anything at all right? you must have feelings for the person so that you will feel something what. this kinda thing is mutual de. so when he/she loves you but you dont love him/her is not xing fu de.
him: hmm.. ehh.. you got me stuck here.
me: cus you know what i said make sense.
everybody have different thinkings. you might not agree with what i said. but this is me. im that straightforward when it comes to love. bei ai shi xing fu de IF im in love with the person too. if i dont have feelings for the person, no matter what he do i wont feel a single thing, nothing at all. i dont consider this as being xing fu. i still prefer to give out love to someone i love.
had a chat with didi just now. he's one of the victims too. hais. =(
didi: jie. you think you and darren will last mahs?
me: i dont know. why you ask this?
didi: you can stand each other's character mehs?
me: *silent for a moment* yar. as time pass by when we know each other more we will slowly accept each other lors.
didi: i broke up with my gf for a month plus liao lehs.
me: see, i know it! you just dont wanna tell me the truth when i asked you a few days ago.
didi: hais. what should i do? she dont wanna give me another chance and she found herself another bf liao.
me: what?! i think she's playing around lars. just forget about her.
many people envy me that i have such a nice boyfriend and everything. but why dont i feel happie about it? i mean, im really blessed and feel xing fu that i have him and everything but somehow, i just dont feel the sweetness of being in love anymore. i used to feel it when he first said he's interested in me, i used to feel it during our very first meet-up session, i used to feel it when he very first hold my hand and said he will want to hold it forever, i used to feel it when he first showed me his care and concern when i fell sick, i used to feel it when he texted me everyday without fail to show that he still remember me, i used to feel it when we just started dating, i used to feel it when i first started making chocolates for him and many more. i really feel so happie then! cus i know it myself that i finally fall in love again. the feeling of falling in love is great, just too great for me to explain in words.
i used to really love 'love'. i remember i used to have an exbf who treated me real good, dote on me like a princess but i didnt cherish him cus i find that i just dont have the special feel for him. he used to tell me alot alot of nice things about us, our future and everything. i remember we used to go to the beach and sit down to start to fantasize about love, to start to say about how we will be like in 10 years time and everything. he used to wait for me very patiently everytime im late for dates due to school events and never complain a single thing. he would just pat on my head, smile at me and said he finally see me again. he loved to pat on my head and stroke my hair gently making me feel like a total princess being dote on. i would then feel so sweeeeeeeeetttt that i can just die of sweetness like this. when i see something i like on the street and never buy it, he would buy them for me and gave it to me during our next date. there's so much more beautiful things that he did for me that i just cant finish saying them. he's the most romantic guy ive ever seen. i checked up on our horoscopes and it says we are totally very compatible with each other and stuffs. but... hais.
when i said breakup to him, he kept quiet and never once contact me again. but, he would send me a message on my birthday every year without fail for the next consecutive 2 years when i forgot his birthday gradually.
im only fifteen back then. i was so innocent and naive and i know nuts about love. alright. thou even up till now, i still cant figure out love. =X i guess i can never go back to the past. mr ong and i will never be like the past that i used to have cus things changed, and both of them are totally different. even when i wanna go back to our past when we first know each other and stuffs is also impossible already cus things have changed. i guess i can never understand love.
i just hate growing uppppp. i dont wanna be an adult!!!
Wednesday, March 07, 2007
what is your love profile?
| Pisces - Your Love Profile |
 Your positive traits: You're very tuned into your lover's feelings - and always doing something caring. Sweetness - you're the most romantic person your partner has ever met. You get easily swept away and are a total delight to fall in love with. Your negative traits: You are super duper sensitive and find it hard to get out of a sad mood. It's difficult for you to tell your sweetie no, even when you should. You often tell your partner what they want to hear, instead of being honest. Your ideal partner: Is straight from a fairy tale - the man or woman of your dreams Is a total romantic, with an artistic or creative side Loves to express their love to you, in all sorts of unique ways Your dating style: Dreamy. You like traditional romantic dates, like picnics in the park and candlelight dinners. Your seduction style: Fearless - you try what your partner suggests, no matter how unusual. Loving. You'll take your pleasure second, if necessary. Internal. A lot of your enjoyment takes place within your head. Tips for the future: Be more realistic. Your romantic ideal is nice, but it may just not happen. Let go of your fear of rejection - it's holding you back from being with your true love. Open yourself up to a new love. The person you think you want make not be the one.. Best color to attract mate: Seafoam green Best day for a date: Friday |
Tuesday, March 06, 2007
surprises!
gonna say something not related to my title first. went town-ing with yvette lao jie again today. LOL! we went kboxing and then dinner at one of the chinese restaurant at centrepoint. stella called her up when we were in kbox and then ar, she actually said she wanna go zoo tomorrow, asking me along but too bad, i got a date already. LOL! talking about zoo, i wanna go too! heard that the zoo has changed quite a bit and i think im kinda sua ku now cus its been.. let me count.. errr... 14 years or so since i've last been there! omg! LOL!
alright. let me blog things related to my title now. ive got 3 surprises today! somebody sent me a belated birthday card without leaving his/her name down. was guessing who was it but well, i cant think of anyone lehs.
the second surprise is joyce called me up just now! was really surprised that she called me. she said she just quitted her job at sherwood. HAHAS! finally! =X chatted quite a bit about people down there, etc. oh well, seems like there's alot of changes down there, getting from bad to worse. LOL! anyway, she said she wanna work together with me again so asked me whether im interested in a PAP at bukit batok anot, will call me again after she called up the centre then shall go for interview together. so funny lars her! hahas.
the 3rd surprise is that jerk msn-ed me just now asking me to cheer up. what did i do? i went to my options and block him immediately. i deleted his contact off my msn and i thought he wont msn me ever again and im surprised he still can msn me. oh well, who cares anyway since i've already blocked him. seeing his contact totally affect my good mood man.
anyway, my mama was so funny. she bought a shoe rack a few days ago and then she suddenly said she bought that for me cus i requested her to buy one for me a few months ago. then i was thinking since when did i request her for a shoe rack to put in my room? i dont know whether is it i have stm or is it she made a mistake about this but well, in the end the shoe rack is now in my didi's room! hahas. my room got no space to put the shoe rack lars.
i start to think that my health is getting from good to now, bad. i hope it wont go to worse. =X is it cus i've not been exercising for ages? and i've been eating and eating and eating like a pig everyday. =X my tummy is getting from small to big and now, bigger. omg! i think i must start exercising everyday from now onwards. skipping for a hundred times everyday and jogging maybe once a week? =X i hate to run lars but i love the feeling of sweating. it makes me feel.. young! LOL!
alright. let me blog things related to my title now. ive got 3 surprises today! somebody sent me a belated birthday card without leaving his/her name down. was guessing who was it but well, i cant think of anyone lehs.
the second surprise is joyce called me up just now! was really surprised that she called me. she said she just quitted her job at sherwood. HAHAS! finally! =X chatted quite a bit about people down there, etc. oh well, seems like there's alot of changes down there, getting from bad to worse. LOL! anyway, she said she wanna work together with me again so asked me whether im interested in a PAP at bukit batok anot, will call me again after she called up the centre then shall go for interview together. so funny lars her! hahas.
the 3rd surprise is that jerk msn-ed me just now asking me to cheer up. what did i do? i went to my options and block him immediately. i deleted his contact off my msn and i thought he wont msn me ever again and im surprised he still can msn me. oh well, who cares anyway since i've already blocked him. seeing his contact totally affect my good mood man.
anyway, my mama was so funny. she bought a shoe rack a few days ago and then she suddenly said she bought that for me cus i requested her to buy one for me a few months ago. then i was thinking since when did i request her for a shoe rack to put in my room? i dont know whether is it i have stm or is it she made a mistake about this but well, in the end the shoe rack is now in my didi's room! hahas. my room got no space to put the shoe rack lars.
i start to think that my health is getting from good to now, bad. i hope it wont go to worse. =X is it cus i've not been exercising for ages? and i've been eating and eating and eating like a pig everyday. =X my tummy is getting from small to big and now, bigger. omg! i think i must start exercising everyday from now onwards. skipping for a hundred times everyday and jogging maybe once a week? =X i hate to run lars but i love the feeling of sweating. it makes me feel.. young! LOL!
Sunday, March 04, 2007
i dont wanna stay at home!
my mood is kinda better today. the past few days totally suck! it was like im having some kind of depression like that. its not that i totally dont think anymore, its just not as much as the past few days already. maybe cus im outside my house and there's friends who joke and talk to me so i dont tend to think so much about everything.
well, anyway, met up with my dearest yvette lao jie for dinner just now! :D so happie! LOL! wahh! i found out quite a few shocking things from her today! HAHAS! we had our dinner and walked around awhile and went home already. thou we didnt spend much time together but the few hours is definitely quality time okay. hehes.
and, i met up with christopher too. he's still the same old him except that... he like grew taller a bit already. LOL! he's still making me laugh with his stupid actions and jokes like last time. LOL! and guess what?! he suddenly got muscle cramps in the middle of nowhere lors. like wth. and he just sat down on the floor outside jurong point entrance and everybody is looking at us like we are some weirdos or what. stupid lehs! LOL!
people have been asking me out recently. im booked by hankee on tuesday, guansoon is asking me out tomorrow and im still waiting for sueping to quit her job to go kboxing with me. LOL!
GREAT! cus i dont wanna stay at home!!! i think i shall hunt for jobs on monday. keeping myself occupied is always the best so my thoughts wont run wild. xD
well, anyway, met up with my dearest yvette lao jie for dinner just now! :D so happie! LOL! wahh! i found out quite a few shocking things from her today! HAHAS! we had our dinner and walked around awhile and went home already. thou we didnt spend much time together but the few hours is definitely quality time okay. hehes.
and, i met up with christopher too. he's still the same old him except that... he like grew taller a bit already. LOL! he's still making me laugh with his stupid actions and jokes like last time. LOL! and guess what?! he suddenly got muscle cramps in the middle of nowhere lors. like wth. and he just sat down on the floor outside jurong point entrance and everybody is looking at us like we are some weirdos or what. stupid lehs! LOL!
people have been asking me out recently. im booked by hankee on tuesday, guansoon is asking me out tomorrow and im still waiting for sueping to quit her job to go kboxing with me. LOL!
GREAT! cus i dont wanna stay at home!!! i think i shall hunt for jobs on monday. keeping myself occupied is always the best so my thoughts wont run wild. xD
Saturday, March 03, 2007
regrets
i always thought im strong enough to handle everything when anything happen. i always thought i can be strong enough to go through every obstacles in life. but now.. thats not the case.
i realised i just cant break through this obstacle this time round. i never blame anyone else and i never blame him at all. i blame myself. its my mistake, from the start.
i totally regret. regret everything that i did. but whats the point of regretting now? its always too late for regrets, isnt it?
whether he's here anot, doesnt matter to me anymore cus no matter who is here for me i still cant break through the obstacle this time round. i seriously cant...
its over. everything is over.
i realised i just cant break through this obstacle this time round. i never blame anyone else and i never blame him at all. i blame myself. its my mistake, from the start.
i totally regret. regret everything that i did. but whats the point of regretting now? its always too late for regrets, isnt it?
whether he's here anot, doesnt matter to me anymore cus no matter who is here for me i still cant break through the obstacle this time round. i seriously cant...
its over. everything is over.
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