photos and more photos!

yesterday was fun and unfun.

played daidee with didi, val and vivi at my room. wahh! so funny please! vivi and i was laughing like some mad people, as usual. HAHAS! val and my didi 'see show', as usual. LOL! val invented her own brand of fishball lehs! bobo fishball. LOL! i swear i was laughing like im having some laughing disease or something. hahas. VERY FUNNY lars! we took damn lotsa photos!


ME ME ME! taken by vivian. xD


valie chua. photographer is me! xD


vivi chua. taken by ME again. LOL!


dearest vivi and i! <3.


valie and joanne. <3


val looked so extremely happie in here! LOL! xD


val, the self-proclaimed 'ahbeng' says "i feel as thou im hugging two ahlians". DIAOOOO. LOL!


can you see the link in this photo? xD


SUPER DUPER NICE TAKE! 3 prettttyyyyyyyy ladies! xD

and then ar, we went to my living room. was looking at the photos we took together with vivian. then, we somehow started to luan luan take photos liao. LOL!


i suggested we took our sleeping faces. HAHAS!


taken by vivi. im trying to look ugly. vivi said im the devil wearing red with red nails! wahahas. xP


taken by val. i dont know whats vivi trying to do. hahas.

actually im supposed to cut birthday cake de but well, i didnt in the end cus of some reasons. i just hate growing up lars. every year also need to hear aunties nagging at me. since young, they've been nagging at me about studies. when i finally grow up, they nag at me about boyfriend, about work. i guess some unhappie things i shall not blog much in details lars. keeping it inside me is the best.

went out to meet baby. was unhappie at first but things turned out fine in the end. we ate dinner, watched 'dreamgirls'. NICE! took many many photos too!






ROMANTIC anot? LOL! nice background, nice couple! xD






wahh! baby looked like some mr nice guy and i looked like some nerdy nerd! LOL!






darren ong, my *ahem* handsome baby! LOL! xD


at baby's house!

i kinda think that things have changed in a way...

OFFICIALLY 19!

the title says it all. IM OFFICIALLY NINETEEN TODAY! old oleidi lars! anyway, let me have a recap on the past few days.

went out with dearrrrrrrestttt vivian on thursday! so fun i tell you! was practically laughing our heads off the whole day. LOL! we talked and talked non-stop, from one shopping mall to another. she bought a dress and i didnt buy anything. tried on a few clothes but aiyahs.. none really caught my eye so didnt get anything in the end. wanted to try a shirt at far east but no time lars. took pictures as usual.


reflections of us in the toilet. LOL!


at long john silvers for dinner.






very spastic! LOL!


CUTE ANOT?! xP




tried on vivian's new specs. COOL lehs! xD



thats all. anyway, its always so fun going out with her lars! xD

met up with baby on friday, our and my birthday eve. things didnt turn out well cus of some reasons or so. stupid reasons i must say. but anyway, went to his house at night cus he said he got a surprise for me. he bought me a cake, sang me a birthday song and bought me a me-to-you bear as a gift. was touched he did all these things for me. sometimes i feel alot inside me but i just dont know how to tell him. am really glad that he's my boyfriend. =)

today.............. my mum invited my relatives to my house cus of CNY. and, she bought me a cake to celebrate my birthday too. meeting up with baby later. today is also baby and i's 8month together!!! 8 months already!!! time flies. i wonder how we are gonna be 8 years down the road. LOL!

kinda find that im not as happie as the past few years on my birthday. why ar? i have no idea lars. i think im having PMS lars. stupid. i hope my mood will get better later.

anyway, guess who's the first one to wish me on my birthday? MENG FAI!!! hahas! he sent me an sms on the dot at 12am lehs! so nice of him lors! to think he still can remember my birthday! SO TOUCHED! LOL!

I AM NINETEEN!!! 19 19 19!~

selfish people

just now had a chat with vivian and talked alot about our relatives. i cant help but seriously think that im starting to hate growing up. and i gradually start to find that i dont understand my mum anymore. generation gap?

birthday is mine. why cant i just decide for myself how i want to spend it? why cant i just make my own decision? why must people still make decisions for me as if im a 9 year old kid? im turning 19 already! birthday is just once a year and yet i cant have it my way? whats wrong with you people?!

you all just think for your ownselves, just care about your ownselves. then what about me?! organizing something for me, making all the decisions for me means im happie about it is it? did you people ever asked me or consult me first? this is my life, my birthday. i wish to have it my way and not people making decisions for me. selfish. everyone is just selfish. selfish people! hypocrites!

i never like to make any decisions from young cus i always feel that people making decisions for me will be better so i dont need to think of anything. but this time round, im firm in making my own decision. afterall, this thing concerns me! ITS MY BIRTHDAY! i want to have it my way.

everybody is forcing me to make a decision. everybody is forcing me to attend their programs that they planned for me. but did they ever spare a thought about me?! did they ever spare a thought about what i actually feel and what i actually want? i just want to spend my 19th birthday happily, spend it with people that i want to. a simple wish like this can make things so complicated now. a simple wish like this and yet i cant have it fulfilled. its my birthday and yet i dont have any say in anything. so what? is it my birthday or is it you all's birthday?

so now, ive made my decision. im not going to attend any selfish people's gathering, not going for any selfish people's birthday dinner for me. not going to ANY programs that all the selfish people planned for me! im going to spend my birthday ALONE! im going to off my handphone for the whole day and make sure nobody can find me. im sick of everything. totally SICK of all the selfish people in this world! totally FED UP!

CNY day 2

went to my 2 god-grandma house in the morning. saw so many people at their houses. dont even know who is who. LOL! god-grandma praised me until as if im really that good like that! kinda felt flattered. HAHAS! took many many angbaos! hehes.

went to 4th auntie house in the afternoon. SIANS! im alone. =( didi went out with girlfriend, vivi and val havent reach yet. my aunties all gambling. left me alone to WATCH TV! tv also sians, nothing to watch. but after awhile, xinlun korkor came and chat with me after he gambled for awhile. LOL! he ar! as usual, so funny. and he kept eating bak gua non-stop. say he cannot stop eating it. HAHAS! then ar, he whispered to me asking me where is my boyfriend so i said he coming later and i asked him why must whisper to me, he said cus he scared the rest will hear. DIAOOOOO. hahas.

then ar! finally vivi came already!!! and WAHH! both of us wore red sias! such a coincidence! hahas. and her top is actually the top that i wanted to buy initially de. heng i never buy that top if not we're gonna be wearing the same top on the same day! LOL! 2 of us wear like angbaos like that! hahas. people thought we say beforehand to wear the same outfit lors. LOL! then ar, as usual, we did stupid things, stupid actions. HAHAS! the only difference is the 'audiences' were not there. so we do show also nobody see. LOL! then ar, we took photos lors. BOTH WORE RED LEHS! must take together lors. hahas. will upload the pictures at the end of the post later. hehes.

then ar, after awhile, xinlun korkor and jason korkor looked at us like we were some idiots lors. hahas. xinlun korkor asked us what were we doing, like we are playing some childish chidren games with each other. hahahahas! vivi and i just kept laughing non-stop. LOL!

then baby came during evening time. introduced all my family members to him and i think he's very confused. hahas. too many people to remember liao. then had dinner, chit-chat with val, vivi and my didi for awhile then baby and i went off first.

we went town to catch a movie 'norbit'. the show is funny but kinda boring thou. went home after that. alright. its pictures time!

day 1



im wearing a retro dress on day 1 thou cant see from the pic. LOL!

day 2

this is my outfit for the day! XD


ME again! LOL!


forced didi to take a pic with me before going out. XD


cam-whoring at 4th auntie house. take 1.


take 2.


take 3.


take 4.

before i end my post, i wanna say something. i totally hate people who make decisions on my behalf when i never agree anything at all! quarreled with mama just now. on day 3 of the lunar new year already quarreled. wth. she is being so unreasonable lors! you are right, the house is yours but the birthday is MINE! its MY birthday! i think i have the right to decide how i should spend my brithday and who i should spend it with! hais.

CNY day 1

WOW! one word to describe my day, FUN! XD

went to my grandma place(papa side) in the late morning, had lunch, sit down for awhile and went off to my popo house, her new house to be exact. on the way there, i was actually missing the old house lors. but well, reached there at around 2 plus or something? cant remember.

when we reached, only my xiaoQ's family and 2nd auntie were there. greeted everyone there and then started chit-chatting with vivi and val. LOL! so long never see them so it feels good to see them! val kept saying to take photos, but arghh! i kept saying later, later. in the end, they went off le! arghh! anyway, val said my nails looked nice! XD to think when i asked my didi yesterday, he said look like monster! DIAO! so dots lors him! dont know how to appreciate. hahas. anyway, love my nail colour super lots. XD

after they went off, all my other aunties and cousins came one after another. i recieved angbaos one after another. so busy. LOL! then ar, everybody like stoned at my uncle house, watching tv, eating, chit-chatting. soon, everybody were bored already. constance jie, jason kor and my aunties were like saying they wanna *ahem* gamble but not very nice to do that at my uncle house cus his religion or something disapprove or what. and ar, im also getting bored lors. so i started walking around the house, chatting with different people. i had so many FUNNY conversations with my relatives. hahas.

had quite a long chat with jason korkor in the kitchen when i went to take drink.

jason: so how are you? still working?
me: ehh. no. quit already
jason: why?
me: cus the boss not good.
jason: ohh. so heard that you got boyfriend oleidi ar?
me: yar lors.
jason: so he working or studying?
me: studying. anyway he will be going to ur house tml.
jason: wahh! thats good. i wanna see him.
me: *laughing*
jason: so hows ur didi?
me: errr.. like that lors. kinda bad.
jason: yar, i overheard abt him from my mum and ur mum's conversation.
me: ohhh. *starts telling him abt my didi*
jason: *starts telling me abt how hard is it to be a gangster in singapore* LOL!
me: yar lors. kinda worried abt him.
jason: yar, you i still not so worried but ur didi ar.. dunno how to wake him up.
me: *nod my head*
jason: nebermind, when he's 18 ar.. i bring him out to 'see the world' then he will know whats good and bad.

our conversation ended when constance jie came in to ask us go out take photos. mama wanna take photo so while waiting for them to get ready or something, i sat down and chatted with popo.

popo: *touched my dress* ur dress very comfortable de hors?
me: yar lors. very cooling. nice anot? *laughing*
popo: nice. of course nice.
me: so tml you got go 4th auntie house mahs?
popo: got.
me: so what time you going?
popo: dunno lehs. see ur uncle what time drive me there lors.
me: so, are you still okay staying here?
popo: can lars. yesterday dunno why i sleep so well lehs.
me: can sleep well then good lors.
popo: yar lors. so you got go ur boyfriend house mahs?
me: ehh.. no lehs. but going tml or wed lors.
popo: ohhh. better go and see see look look lors. CNY mahs.
me: *laughing* yar lors yar lors.
popo: so you see his parents before?
me: errrr. no.
popo: he is hokkien huh?
me: yar.

then our conversation stopped here when they asked me go take photos. 4th auntie commented that i looked thinner oleidi! hahas. i was thinking am i? i thought i got fatter. hahas. anyway, we took some and i sat down at the dining table and 4th auntie came to chat with me.

4 yi: so you found work le mahs?
me: haven lehs. finding lors.
4 yi: ohh! better faster find a job lors. must at least have some savings first then can get married mahs.
me: *looked at her in disbelief* hahas. yar lors yar lors.

then ar, constance jie also kept teasing me, asking me when is it my turn to give angbaos. diaoooo! hahas. and when we took photos, i said 5th auntie take photo very slow so i smile until very tired then she said "aiyohs! awhile only you tired, then next time get married how are you going to smile for long?" dots lors. everybody is teasing me. LOL!

then ar, during dinner, hanzhong korkor was sitting beside me, so after awhile he started talking to me.

hz: hey, heard that you got boyfriend liao ar?
me: yar lors. how you know?
hz: hahahas. really ar?
me: yar. how you know?!
hz: yang li shan surfed friendster a few months ago and saw ur friendster and got to know so she asked me to see lors.
me: ohhhhh. *laughing*
hz: so he studying at where?
me: republic poly.
hz: *nod his head*
2 yi: really mahs? you really got boyfriend liao ar?
me: errr. uhhh. you dunno mehs? all the aunties know le mahs.
2 yi: i dunno! got once dingli korkor drove me passed by toh yi and i thought i saw you with a guy but dingli korkor said cannot be you.
me: hahas. ohhh.
2 yi: so hanzhong lehs?
hz: i.... also have girlfriend lors.
me: the same one izzit? last time de?
hz: no lars! no more already.
me: huh?! ohhh.
hz: i tell you, now you better dun get so serious first.
me: why?
hz: you still so young, got alot of choices. dating is okay, but dun get so serious cus things are unpredictable. you will never know what will happen a few years down the road.
me: orhhhh.
hz: jus like me.. the last one i dated her for 4 and a half years in the end broke up cus she changed and suddenly told me she dun feel like getting attached that time.
me: ohhh. huh? sad lehhs.
hz: yar lors. im too serious so in the end, end up very sad lors. and hors, must learn to protect urself okay. dun get cheated hors! this is very important.
me: *smiling*
hz: tml i bringing my new gf to 4th auntie house.
me: i think my bf also coming lors.
hz: huh? he also coming ar? so ur mum see him before mahs?
me: yar.. see him before.
hz: so vivi and val also bringing their bfs over ar?
me: hahas. no lars! they are not attached yet.
hz: i thoguht val got bf already? yang li shan saw her friendster that time?
me: ohhh! no lars. that one they broke up long ago le.
hz: ohhh.

then ar, dingli korkor suddenly offered me a can of beer. diaoo! hahas. then i say i dont want, he still put it there. in the end, he took it away cus i know he teasing me de lars. LOL!

after dinner, jason korkor reminded me again to bring my boyfriend there and reminded hanzhong korkor to bring his gf there too. LOL! damn funny! and dingli korkor asked me "tomorrow you bringing him along ar?" before he went off. LOL again lars.

seemed like today baby became the superstar in my house man! practically everybody is asking and talking about him. LOL! damn funny lors. every conversations sure have him one. super funny lars.

im sure tomorrow will be FUN too! XD

differences

yesterday was a day that made me see things clearly.

i finally know what is wrong after thinking for one whole night. actually its not my fault neither is it his fault. the problem is we have different opinions in things.

i grew up in my family where my parents or i should say my whole family think that discipline is very important. to you, doing that is normal or maybe is cus you've been doing this all the time so to you is nothing wrong. your parents or your family may be openminded but dont think that every other parents or family are also openminded. to me, i've never do this kinda thing before and i know or i should say i think its certainly not very nice for popo or some other relatives to see. they see me grow, they know very well what kinda girl am i. im not trying to act class when i dont have the class. i willingly let you do that is cus i love you and i dont want you to get angry over this kinda stupid thing. fine with me that you do it but have a limit. you dont feel awkward but i do feel it. if having a boyfriend means i must lose all the values that my family taught me from young then i rather dont have one.

yes. im a small girl, im still young and forever young in your eyes. so what? from the start i already told you i think we belong to different world, living a different life and everything. the fact is our opinions in everything are very different. i already think we can never get along well at all. yes, we love each other so we take it for granted that as long as we have love everything can be solved. fairytales are fairytales. reality is reality. now then i realised they can never be the same.

i must really say i dont understand you at all, seriously. and i must say you dont understand me at all, too. i cant blame you cus you already had an impression that im like this all the time just like i already had the impression that you are like this all the time. misunderstandings occur all the time cus i dont talk things out with you. misunderstandings occur cus i dont understand you at all. talking things out with you is something that is very hard for me and i never like to talk things out with you cus you will always have 101 things to cover up what i said. like what i said, since when did you really give me a chance to tell you everything? i rather you misunderstand me then. i cant imagine how our relationship will turn out to be in time to come.

i know you are very tired from all the holding on and everything, i know. i never want you to give in to me at all and i never want you to hold on to anything at all. you once said to get along well, one person has to be postive(+), one person has to be negative(-) so opposites attract. but dont you think we have too much differences already?

what you want and what i want is very different. no matter how much we give in to each other, we will still quarrel and have misunderstandings non-stop. we still can hold on until now for 7 near to 8 months is cus we really thought love can solve everything. if love is really everything, then why do couples still break up?

asking me to stop being so emotional in our relationship is impossible. im this emotional. i am emotional. us being happie cant be compared to you having the happiness that you had before in your past relationships cus you know im not like them. you know very well that me is not what you really want. what you really need and what you really want is just like the past relationships you had. you need girlfriends like them and not girlfriends like me. i dont know how to talk sense into you but well, i give up.

today is CNY eve, i dont wish to be so emotional and be so moody and everything but i cant help it. hopefully i'll be alright tomorrow ba.

i feel much more better now...

happie belated valentine's day

im so pissed off now! ARGHH! sometimes i cant help but dislike you lors. so what if its raining? raining cannot go mehs? you keep saying no time already and yet still last minute dont want to go. okay lars, dont want to go fine with me then. i just merely said that you should have tell me earlier you dont want to go what, i changed and everything already then you say dont want to go. and you got angry with me and say me instead? wth? i just dont know whats wrong with you lors! CNY is coming already, you think i wanna quarrel with you one mehs? aiyahs. cant be bothered already lars! next time i wont even volunteer to go with you anymore lars! im bad, you scold me. im good, you also scold me! didi lehs? good or bad, you also dont scold. you are just BIAS!

i dont deny the fact that when we are good, we are really good. sometimes i really feel something when you treat me real good, at least you still make me feel im still part of this family. we both know we are not people who express ourselves easily so i dont know how to tell you im really thankful for what you've done for me this 19 years but i do show it to you in actions at times. i know you can feel it cus im in your womb for 10months or so and you definitely understand me well enough.

but when we are bad, we are really bad as well. we both know our temper very well. we are both stubborn and neither of us will give in to each other. you should know when i say i dont want to eat the dinner you cook means i wont eat. so dont bother to cook my share!

i know im saying all these out of anger now but im very firm in one thing. i WILL move out. maybe after i move out, things will be better. since staying together is such a hard thing for all of us then i might as well move out. baby called me just now and he knows im pissed off thou i already tried my best to cover up my emotions. hais. i didnt mean to show him this attitude but im really pissed off just now. i should apologise to him tonight.

i shall blog something happie now. i spent my valentine's day happily yesterday! i gave baby a bottle of hand-made stars from me and a card. he gave me a pair of mickey and minnie mouse softtoy! i love it alot. hehes. we went causeway point and didnt really eat dinner. we ate icecream and watched 'epic movie' after that. the show is lame, so its kinda hilarious lors. but baby didnt really like the movie. we went home after that. thou our day is simple but im happie. =) as long as baby is with me, im happie with everything! i hope next year's valentine's day we are still together so i still can spend the day with him.

i realised something yesterday. i hate people who stares at me like they've never seen a girl before and make funny noises on the street! especially cheeeena man! fuckers! made me feel so embarrassed lors! i dont understand why nowadays im meeting more and more weird people on the street. just weird lars.

i wanna go paint my nails tomorrow. i know for sure will have alot of people de but nevertheless i wanna try my luck tomorrow! i want it to be RED. hahas. nowadays im in love with red colour lors. hehes.

my funny family

tomorrow is valentine's day already! and people around me kept talking about tomorrow.

i had a 'pillow fight' with my mama in our living room today. HAHAS! sometimes i cant help but find her CUTE. LOL! anyway, we chatted quite abit today.

mama: tomorrow i no need to cook your share hors?
me: errr. i think so lors.
mama: so plan to go where?
me: i dont know lehs. we never talk about it.
mama: you 2 always quarrel, wanna quarrel until you get old is it?
me: you and papa also got quarrel what!
mama: *denying* i never quarrel with him one.
me: yar! as if!
mama: so chu 2 you wanna go god grandma house mahs?
me: i thought we going 4th auntie house?
mama: before that in the morning go mahs.
me: orh. go lors.
mama: you not going out with darren ar? got go his house before mahs?
me: i dont know lehs. seems like he got something on. never go his house before.
mama: aiyohs! date for so long never go his house before ar? must be he dont want bring you home to meet his parents right? later you get cheated also dont know ar!
me: *speechless*

anyway, she helped me to look through the papers to find a job today but to no avail cus all the places are kinda far away from our place. oh well, anyway i already promised baby to spend some time with him first before looking for a job so i guess i shall stop my job hunting first.

my brother came home at 7 plus just now with a gift in his hands. he pulled me into his room and showed me the gift.

didi: eh jie see my gift i bought, you think nice anot?
his gift is a heart-shaped box with nice chocolates all around inside and in the middle of the box is another small box to put RING.
me: wahh! the chocolates like very nice to eat lehs. can give me one mahs? *laughing*
didi: siao ar you! cannot lars! i also know nice. you tell me my gift nice anot first? i like that put the chocolates nice mahs?
me: okay lors. i think abit weird lors. maybe cus the chocolates abit too big le ba. what is inside that small box? you really put the ring inside ar?
didi: heh heh. this is the best part. i never put anything inside the ring box.
me: then?
didi: i ask you, so when you open and you see nothing in the box will you feel strange?
me: of course lars.
didi: then i will surprise her with a ring after that! hehes.
me: really mehs? so you bought the ring already?
didi: havent.
me: -.-

i was surprised with the gift my brother bought. i didnt know he is so ROMANTIC one lors! LOL! still can come up with ideas like the ring thing. hahas. to think he always ask me for ideas what to buy for his girlfriend, etc. LOL!

interview at ace@work

just got back from this childcare centre called ace@work. what a funny name right? went there for an interview for a job and guess what?! the moment i reached there, i was having this OS in my mind. "omg. it looks so much like sherwood (my previous workplace) man! are they affiliated or what?" earlier in the morning when i called them up, i was already thinking that the supervisor sounded so much like mrs loh (my previous supervisor). the way they speak, they things they asked/told me. i cant believe it!

anyway i went in and met the supervisor. guess what again?! SHE TOLD ME EXACTLY THE SAME THINGS AS WHAT MRS LOH TOLD ME! are all the supervisors in singapore like this? is this how they normally interview people? how can 2 persons be so alike? even the centre and everything looks so alike. its just so bizarre. =X well, wasnt really happie with what she/the company offered me. she intends to get a new teacher to replace her old teacher that is resigning end of this month. and if i take up the job, she will put me in the N1 class teaching maths. she said all her teachers there will only take one class and teach one subject so that the teachers working there wont feel so stressed up, blablabla. anyway, she said there will be 3 teachers in the N1 class to lessen teachers' workload. up till here, im still fine with what she told me.

then she told me all the standard things that ive to know, like my working hours, my salary, how the centre works and how they (the teachers and supervisor) work together as a team. the centre closes at 730pm instead of 7pm and ive to work 9 hours per day which is normal. due to the small group of children that comes on saturday, the teachers need to work based on rotational shifts. so she said i just need to go back once a month on saturdays. up till here, im not really happie with what she said already.

firstly, if i were to work the closing shift, i need to end work at like 730pm lors! so late! =X
secondly, if what she said is true, then im fine with working once every month on saturdays but i dont really trust what she said due to my previous experience when the supervisor told me exactly the same thing!

then she went on talking about the salary im expecting and how they work together as a team. the pay that she offered me is the same as sherwood which is like fucking little for a diploma graduate can?! she says if i take up the job, she will look at my performance for a 3 months probation period. if i live up to her expectation then she will increase my salary to what i want. CRAP! mrs loh told me this too thou im not on any probation period. and the worse thing was the advertisement on the newspaper put HIGHER PAY lors! i thought at least they will offer me something decent or what. in the end?

nebermind, then she talked about how her teachers and her work together, like they dont gossip behind each other, they have a very close-bonding with each other and they are just like a small family that kind of thing. she said she hate gossipers and she said i will surely have no problem working together with them. CRAP AGAIN! mrs loh told me the same thing last time!

i mean, which workplace dont have any politics? after my previous bad experience, i got to know more about the working society already so obviously im not so naive like last time to so readily trust what she said and accept the job. i told her i need to consider it again and she asked me to call her tomorrow morning to tell her my decision.

well, maybe baby is right. i should just look for more jobs at a time and go for interviews at all the places before making any decision. but, i really need a job now lehs!

i was thinking alot again yesterday night. sometimes i really feel like giving up cus i cant stand us being misunderstand by each other all the time. he misunderstood me again last night. he said im petty to get angry with him for a small thing. wo you mah? i thought we already agreed with each other previously that i'll be going out with him on the 2nd day? i even told him before that i can dont go to my family gathering or leave earlier to meet him up. he didnt say anything so i just take it that i'll be meeting him on the 2nd day. and now? he told me he is invited to go to his friends' house or what and suddenly just got angry with me for not having the so-called initiative to tell him i wanna go with him too. wth? this is so ridiculous lars. he knows that i dont really like to join him and his friends' gathering or whatsoever long time ago. i just cant fit into his circle of friends what. if i go, i'll be left out for sure. so obviously i wont say i wanna follow him what. and the fact is im not those sticky type of girlfriend that he's looking for, then what you want me to do? so i just told him i'll go to my family gathering then. and he got angry with me for nothing.

nowadays i cant be bothered to explain myself much to him already cus no matter what i say, he will always have something to say to cover up what i say. since when did he really keep quiet and be patient to hear what i have to say? sometimes when i havent even finish what i have to say, he's already impatient and cant wait to "talk sense" to me already. honestly, i dont need him to "talk sense" to me. i just want him to listen to what i have to say occasionally. i dont get fed up or pissed off for nothing. if you dont provoke me, why will i get angry with you? and he always say that i get angry with him for nothing. he claims that he understand me better now but the fact is he dont understand me at all still.

certain things he said yesterday night made me think alot. maybe he is right. if we have a friend that we both know in between, we will understand each other better cus the friend can help to convey our messages to each other. but this is not a permanent solution. i believe the friend will get fed up of us someday and everything. whats more, since we are together, we should learn to communicate with each other than to rely on something else. but well, saying is easy, doing it is another thing.

and he told me his love story with his exgf. his exgf told him he pampered her too much already so she became what she was last time to him. i reflected on myself about this and come to think of it, i find that im starting to become like her. last time i dont need to see him everyday, i dont need to rely on him so much and everything. but now? things are so different already. i start to find that i need to see him everyday and i need to rely on him so much on certain things. i start to find that with him around is everything. i start to think like what his exgf think, im used to him being with me everyday, used to his smell and used to his way of joking with me. unknowingly, im becoming more and more not me. i think if i were to spend more time with him, im going to become those sticky type of girlfriend ba.

i didnt tell him anything last night. i cried. i think. i almost made a decision that will cost me my happiness. but i still gave up on my thought after thinking for sometime. he's been thinking alot yesterday night too. i know he didnt sleep at all but the things that he think are useless. he think that i dont love him anymore, i fall in love with someone else or worse, a 3rd party is in between us. all the above are nonsense. do i seem like im someone who will change my heart easily? whatever it is, i will learn to swallow everything myself. our relationship is hard to come by so i wont give up so easily de.

cant think of one

im so in love with my blog song recently. bei pan sang by gary cao ge. so touching. =)

baby is sick again. didnt really get to spend our weekend wisely. i miss him. i once told him something during the week that he's terribly sick. "3 simple words cant show much but means alot. baby i miss you." i said this in an sms to him. maybe he didnt care much about it, i dont know. but somehow i find my sms so meaningful. HAHAS. xP anyway, the main thing is I MISS HIM lars! sighs.

baby has been quite unlucky recently or should i say he's been unlucky ever since he know me? ive been thinking alot again these days. if i leave him, will his luck change for the better? will his life be better without me? sometimes i really feel like leaving him so he will be happier and things will be better for him. sighs. whats yours will be yours; whats not yours will never be yours. whatever it is, i believe everything is predestined. if we are really fated to be together till the end of time then we will. i just hope im not his jinx ba.

valentine's day is 3 days away? i dont know what to get for baby. to me, valentine's day is just like any other normal days not cus i dont have a valentine but is cus i have a valentine so i rather look forward to our big day together rather than celebrating this day which is totally meaningless to me. =X

anyway, my mama said my 3rd auntie bought chocolates for me! xD i just love my aunties so much cus all of them dote on me so much since young till now! popo is moving house next week. sighs. im going to miss the old popo house so much cus there's just way too much memories there le.

over the weekend

one word to describe my past weekend is D-I-S-A-S-T-R-O-U-S.

so many damned things happened. quarrelled with baby on both saturday and sunday. ALL MY FAULT. dont wish to talk about it in details. dont even know we can last forever anot. =X he's gonna kill me if he sees this.

anyway, one thing that i wanna highlight is that I GOT MOLESTED BY A BANGLADESH AGAIN!!! for the third time. wtf! this incident took place on saturday night at orchard road. baby was walking in front and im following him behind for some reason. and then we stopped at this traffic junction waiting for the stupid traffic and it was so crowded that i lost baby. and just cus its so crowded, this bangladesh who was behind me touched my bum and pushed me to walk faster. wth! &^*%^%&**%^*^&$#%@#!@ i was so pissed off but theres nothing i can do and just see him walked away like this. ARGHH! i was so angry lars! can i like complain?!?!

im supposed to attend auntie's (baby's mum) birthday dinner on sunday but in the end it was cancelled cus of me. i actually feel very sorry and hope to apologise to her today but she's not free. aiyahs. dont know how to say how i feel but its like i feel very guilty and really really wanna see her and sincerely apologise to her lors. maybe i should visit her tomorrow. im guilty cus i somehow feel that quarrels are between baby and me and we shouldnt get anyone else involved. i feel sorry that i somehow indirectly disappointed her that the dinner is off. hais.

i dont used to think so much about all this. but im surprised by myself that i do think of others now. HAHAS! not that i dont think for others last time, its something like im more wilful or rather still too young to think ba. i guess its cus im growing up already ba. alot of my thinkings has changed and i somehow feel that i become more OLD oleidi lehs! i care more about my future, baby's future, our-after-marriage-life, our money (how to save more money for our kids next time, dont spend so much all the time, etc). so LOL right? even i cant believe it myself. SHIT. why like this? i wanna stay young forever lars! i realised getting into a relationship plays a big part in making me grow. actually i feel good and have a sense of acheivement when i see that our relationship is growing day by day. =) love is really amazing!

im turning nineteen in nineteen days time! LOL! im getting excited now cus maybe its nearer to my big day already ba. and i have my baby to celebrate my big day for me this year so im super looking forward to my day. hehes. xD and not to forget 24th is also our birthday! HAHAS! i think i really must believe in fate le lors. LOL! xD

anyway, i went to cut my hair today! like finally. now my hair is more layered and shorter by abit. went to woodlands after that to meet baby. funny things happened at the mrt station. i was waiting for baby and suddenly this guy in his late-20s i guess came up to me and said "hello. can i have your phone number please?" then he scanned me from head to toe, like as if he's some pervert like that. what make it worse was that he was smiling like those rapists you see in channel 8 dramas all the time. so scary i tell you! i replied "cannot! i dont give my phone number to strangers one." he said "why? then can we chat for awhile?" i replied "dont want dont want dont want." he STILL GAVE ME THAT STUPID SMILE and walked away. he then stood a distance away from me and looked at me for sometime. wtf! its really so scary lors! this is funny thing number 1.

the funny thing number 2 is i saw meng fai today!!! LOL! he's still the same old him except that he changed his hairstyle already. when he walked passed me, we were both staring at each other for sometime and i called out to him "meng fai!" he stopped, looked at me giving me the blur look. i said "wo shi joanne. ni wang ji wo le ar?" his reaction was super funny. hahas. he replied "JOANNE?! wahh! ni bian hen duo lehs!" i laughed and we both said byebye to each other. one thing that he didnt change is his height. hahas.

met baby and had our dinner at crystal jade, walked around for awhile and home sweet home! im missing him already lars. =)

莫名其妙的不開心

please change your encoding to Unicode before viewing my post in chinese.

今天已經是第五天沒見到你了.
最近心情老是不好.
人家問我 我到底怎麼了? 為什麼那麼不開心?
我自己都找不出答案回答自己，更別說是別人了.

不知道為什麼，沒見到你的日子就好像度日如年.
每一分 每一秒 都很難過.

很多事情不是只用嘴巴說出來就沒事了.
我藏在心裡的很多事並沒有你想的那麼簡單.
以為只要我跟你說 事情就能解決了.
現在的我是有口難言啊.

我真的已經開始變得很不了解我自己了.
我為什麼會變成這樣? 變成連我自己都快要不認識的小芬了呢?
我到底怎麼了?
難道談了戀愛就變了個人嗎?

人家都說愛情能輕而一舉地改變一個人.
我本來是不相信的. 覺得為什麼要為愛人而改變自己呢?
改變了之後就不是真正的自己啦.

但是... 當你陷入深深的愛河的時候，你就會不自覺的為他而改變.
我為了他改變好多好多，多得連我自己都不敢相信，都不認識了.
但是我卻沒後悔過
因為我是真的很愛他，愛他愛到我可以為了他放棄一切，只要他在我身邊我就心滿意足了.

寫著寫著，眼淚就不自覺的流了下來.
這就是我. 那麼容易就能哭泣的我.
我就是那麼脆弱，那麼需要人家保護，需要人家呵護.

新年快到了. 應該是大家開開心心過節的時候.
我也非常不想老是那麼不開心.
我真的很像做會自己，那個開心快樂，無優無慮的自己.

現在的我雖然莫名其妙的不開心
但是我相信我很快就能回到從前，開開心心，快快樂樂的.

重點是我必須要學會放開.
芬兒，加油!
你可以的!

happie 50th birthday mummy!

first of all, before i start my official rantings, i shall wish my mum a very happie 50th birthday! yep! today is her birthday! (: i actually suggested that we eat out today and she insisted that she wanna cook and she cooked a very delicious dinner! xD i helped her in making dinner today. HAHAS! see, what a nice daughter she have! =X LOL! i love her lots lots lots! xD

alright. i shall start ranting now. YES! so what if you are busy? that gives you the excuse to neglect me? i know i know! you think im unreasonable asking you to spend time with me thou you are so busy. but did i ever bother you about this? i understand your situation. i totally think for you in your shoes that i know you are busy at this point of time so i dont even dare to bother you too much everyday for the past few days and i dont even dare to complain to you that im disappointed that we haven been meeting up for the past 3 days and today the 4th day! not meeting up everyday is already bad enough and we are not talking much to each other everyday too! i know i know! by the time you finish your work, its already late at night and you are tired. i totally understand! i didnt even want to hold on to the phone for too long cus i know you need to sleep but i just cant get enough of talking to you!

to think that you kept complaining about me neglecting you cus of my work last time! did i neglected you in the first place? its my working hours and yet i still hold on to my phone just to reply your smses, no matetr how tired i am after work, i still insisted that i wanna meet you up cus i dont want you to have this feeling that i neglected you! instead of appreciating me, you only complained that i neglected you. fine! i forgive and forget. i put it behind me. i still tried my best to spend time with you no matter how busy am i! all these are already in the past so i dont wish to talk about it anymore.

7 months already. i dont know about you but im seriously falling deeper and deeper into this love trap. like what i told you before, i think im becoming more and more dependent on you already until i actually feel frustrated and disappointed that i didnt see you for just a day. i keep asking myself whether its good or bad that im relying on you more and more and i tell myself its a good thing. having a boyfriend is supposed to be like this. but now? after knowing you for so long, i think i can understand you better already. you actually will neglect the people around you when you are busy without you knowing. i dont blame you for this and i never blame you at all. i blame myself. cus im someone who will rely and depend on my boyfriend alot. im sorry i just cant change this point in me cus pisceseans are like this! im like this! whatever lars!

i thought about it the whole afternoon today and dont worry, ive tell myself not to bother you again when you are busy. i shall stop asking for a meet up and stop asking you to talk to me everyday during the time when you are busy already. i will give you all the space and time to do your schoolwork. if you feel that you need me then you call me or ask for a meet up ba. anyway, im always here for you to meet me. since when did i reject you for a meet up? saying is easy, but can i do it anot is another thing. hais.

guansoon dont kill me hors! =X anyway this is not another emo post. its just that i really need to vent my frustrations lars. nobody is there to listen to my nonsense. if not you really want me to call you at 3am mehs? LOL! anyway im just joking de lars. x)

5th auntie house

i went to my 5th auntie house with my mummy and granny today. its been sooooooooo long ever since i went to her house. xD

ashley and andrea was at home!!! SO CUTE!!! LOL! once they saw me, they kept taking out their toys and all the "barneys and hi5" to show me. hahas.

anyway, chatted quite a bit with granny today. its been kinda long ever since i last chatted with her. and whats our topic about? MY BOYFRIEND! was surprised she asked me things about baby. LOL! my mum was listening to our conversation throughout. here's our conversation:

granny: ni de nan peng you xing shen me?
me: weng.
granny: ta zai na li du shu? ngee ann?
me: bu shi.
granny: xin lun du na jian huh?
me: bu shi. ta du de shi xin xue xiao.
granny: ta du ji nian de? 3 nian huh?
me: uh. ni yao kan ta mahs? *laugh*
granny: *laughing* hao lors. yi hou chi fan kan ta you kong jiu dai ta lai lors. popo ye lao le, bu dong ke yi kan dao ni jie hun mahs.
me: ke yi de lars! wo dou 19 sui liao. hen kuai de lars! *smiling*
granny: ta you hen duo xiong di jie mei mahs?
me: mei you. zhi you yi ge jie jie.
granny: jie jie jie hun le mahs?
me: hai mei you.
granny: ta zhu na li?
me: yishun.
granny: ni jin nian hua ren 20 sui le hors?
me: uh.
granny: ming nian jiu 21 le hors? yao zuo da sheng ri mahs?
me: errr. *looks at mum* bu dong lehs.
granny: yao jiu zuo lors. you bu shi mei nian zuo. 21 sui cai yi ci.
me: *smiling*

the end. LOL! then my auntie started saying she got ALOT of clothes and shoes that she cant wear and asked me whether can i wear them anot. so she took out ALOT of shoes and asked me to try them on one by one. my mum also tried them on and took home i think 3 pairs? LOL! i was forced to take home one pair.

then she brought me up to her room cus she got ALOT of clothes to show me. ashley and andrea followed us up too and they made a mess out of my auntie's room! SO FUNNY! LOL! andrea was playing with her mum which is my cousin's cosmetics and brush them onto her face! SO SO SO CUTE! cant stand them. hahas!

my auntie took out ALOT of clothes for me to try on. she's damn funny. she bought alot of youngsters' clothes and she dont wear them at all. LOL! then she gave me alot of clothes which are brand new that she never wear before. really is ALOT! we also chatted quite a bit.

auntie: wahh. you very long never come my house le hors?
me: yar lors. i think got a few years lors.
auntie: yar lors! last time young you always come my house overnight
me: yar lors.
auntie: maybe now you free also can come and play lors. now i sleep alone in my big bed you can sleep with me. now big liao cannot sleep with ah boy anymore. li shan also move in with remy le so nobody sleep with you liao.
me: *laughing non-stop* i cannot stay overnight here le lars. now grow up le.

in the midst of our conversation, ashley and andrea were busy ransacking my auntie's room. HAHAS! my auntie kept shouting at them saying "yao si ar! deng yi xia ni mummy hui lai da ni men pi gu ar! bu yao wan wo de dong xi!" SO SUPER FUNNY! LOL! then i kept disturbing andrea. i said "lai, wo bao bao!" she said "bu yao bu yao!" and ran off. HAHAS! SUPER CUTE!!! i disturbed ashley too. i wanted to carry her also and she said "bu yao! ni qu bao mei mei lars!" LOL! i asked them to call me also. and then they kept calling me "yi yi, yi yi." super cute lars!!! hahas.

we went downstairs to her living room and ashley took out their photo albums and showed me photos. i kept asking her funny questions and she answered me back in a funny way too! too many to blog in details oleidi lars. LOL! after awhile, we went home le lors.

i totally enjoyed my day today! my nieces are damn cute lars!!! xD

was chatting with chewlin just now. she's very anxious to know when im getting married cus she cant wait to go for my dinner or something. LOL! i asked her why is she so anxious and she said cus she has never been to any wedding dinner before. HAHAS! and she kept reminding me time and time again to invite her. she's so funny please! xD anyway, we did update each other about our current lives now and she told me her current boyfriend is damn good to her. she told me her boyfriend is very filial towards his parents, is good-tempered and treat her real nice like she's a princess. she said no matter how unreasonable or bad she treat him, he still can stand her nonsense and treat her good. she even told me whatever she want he will try his best to get for her. like got once she said she wanna eat rojak from hougang, his boyfriend will go all the way from jurong to hougang to get it for her. wth! he's too good le lars! i told her im happie for her and she said "im not getting married, happie for wat? i then happie for you!" LOL! =)

baby is so busy nowadays. today is the 3rd day i haven been seeing him already. i didnt blame him actually cus i know its near holidays now so its normal that he's busy. its just that... i miss him, alot. hais. i guess i have to endure till weekend before i can meet him ba.